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keelywolfeTitle: Through a Revolving Door
Author: Keelywolfe
Series: Death Note
Pairing: Raito x L (YAOI)
Rating: NC-17 or lemon
Spoilers through: Book 37
Summary: Set during book 37. Fourth in the 'Door' series. First, second, and third are, respectively, Closed Door and When One Door Closes, and Behind Door Number Two.
Warnings: Borderline non-con.
~~*~~
One thing Raito had never considered when he'd agreed to be chained to L was the bathroom. It was understandable that he would; it wasn't like he had nothing else on his mind, but trying to piss while L stood close by wasn't a problem he'd ever thought he'd face.
Of course, L was turned politely away, studying the far wall with great interest but Raito's bladder took some coaxing before it finally gave in, reluctantly, and he sighed his relief, trying not to think of just how long he might be stuck peeing for an audience. Or worse.
The handcuff kept sliding down his wrist while he washed his hands, irritatingly chilly despite the long contact with his skin. It was a necessary evil if it was the only way he'd be allowed to assist in the Kira investigation and the sooner that was finished, the sooner he could go home.
He was more tired than he'd expected. So long in captivity, he felt like his edges were dulled, weighted and stupid. He leaned against the counter, the coolness of the porcelain bleeding through his pants, and rested his face in his damp hands. So very tired, and it made frustration itch inside his skin because how could he help like this, what could he do, and never before in his life had to wanted, so badly, to just go home.
A hand on his back startled him, remarkably gentle. "Are you all right?"
It made him laugh, a jagged sound edged with bitterness. "I'm not really sure. Should I be?"
There was a touch of warmth at the nape of his neck, a kiss? It made him inhale sharply, swaying back towards the body behind him. The man who'd imprisoned him, accused him of being a murderer. Tricked him into thinking his own father would murder him, and L was touching him so lightly that Raito might have screamed from the want of something else.
The hand on his back was warm; the press of fingers on his shirt made Raito want to strip it away, almost annoyed that something so immaterial as clothing was separating them. He turned around quickly, slipped his arms around L's neck, his mouth already hot in anticipation of a kiss. It was a shock to see L's eyes were distant, lost and cool, and his hands were suddenly on Raito's shoulders, holding him back.
"You're not Kira," L said flatly. "Something was controlling you."
"Yes," he agreed, bewildered. "I've told you this before, I—" His arms tightened automatically, telegraphing need, want...please please...
"No."
L pushed him away until he had no choice but to step back. He watched in silence as L turned away, chewing on his forefinger, the already raw skin breaking open and a trickle of blood eased out to stain his lips. It was almost garish against his pale skin, vanishing as L licked it away with the ease of one long accustomed to it.
This was...this wasn't right. His sluggish thoughts struggled back to life, trying to find reason in this. He reached out and touched L's back, and watched as L flinched away.
"Don't touch me."
There was pain, hard and glass-brittle, and Raito couldn't help but laugh. He was suspected of being a murderer, had thought his own father was going to execute him and the man he'd been sleeping with was...what?
"That's why you slept with me. You really thought I was him," he whispered harshly.
A glance, those eyes so strange and cold. Had they always been that way, Raito couldn't remember, it was like his thoughts had been blurred, a phantom hand dragged through lines of charcoal. "Of course."
Get to know Misa, get intimate with her...
"That's what you did to me, isn't it? Got to know me, got intimate with me...does my father know that, too? Were they watching on your cameras? Think your boys kept tapes of it for jerk off material?" Raito was cold but for the burning in his face, hot blood searing his cheeks.
"No one else knows." Very softly, was that a flicker of something in his eyes? It could be anything from impatience to...something else and Raito didn't know what. There was more emotion in the eyes of a painting than this thing masquerading as a human. If Kira was a cold-blooded killer than at least he was straightforward about his murdering.
"So what? You're disappointed I'm not Kira and it's over?"
"Raito, none of this would have been necessary if I hadn't suspected--"
"No," Raito cut him off. "No, you're disappointed because you wanted to be fucking him. You wanted to be with Kira and instead you got Yagami Raito, and he's just a puppet for the real Kira. He's the one who's your friend, isn't he? Not poor Raito."
"Don't be ridicu—"
"—not good enough for the likes of L, am I?" It felt like someone else's hands, moving through water to knot into L's shirt. He shoved him backwards and L stumbled, flailing out with his free hand to grab the edge of the sink. The cheap, tiny bottles of shampoo and lotion that lined the counter rained down on the floor and Raito watched those wide eyes widen even more, his stranger's hands carrying them both down to the carpet. "I'm not who you thought you were fucking."
(...god, what am I doing what...)
Raito tangled the chain between them into his hand, yanking up on it and forcing L's hand behind him, his knee in the small of his back. Pointless, because L wasn't really struggling but to some part of him inside, it felt so good. He hadn't asked for any of this, there was a ghost of an ache inside him, demanding some penance, some atonement for all he'd gone through.
He leaned in and rubbed his cheek against L's, met nothing but warm, smooth skin. He breathed hotly against L's ear, felt him shiver minutely beneath him. "Can they see us? Are they watching us now?"
"No." A gasp of air, L's head shook back and forth. His hair just brushed the carpet, black against beige. "No, they aren't. I'm—ah! I'm watching you."
"Yes." Raito whispered. "Watch me."
L's clothing was so loose it was easy to push it down with one hand, his pants bagging around his upper thighs, exposing the warm curve of his ass. He had to give L credit; his ass was one of his better features, slender hips that pushed up towards him, his back forced into an arch, trying to ease the pressure on his arm.
One bottle of lotion was within reach and Raito managed to fumble the cap off, one-handed, spattering lotion on L's back and ass and the visual of it, white streaks on pale skin, nearly made him laugh. He bit it back, not wanting to hear his laughter right now, half-afraid it would be more of a scream.
Fingers slick with lotion, he pushed them inside, through the resistance of stubborn muscles until his knuckles were encased in heat. L twisted beneath him, soft, sweet little sounds deep in his throat, God, such a slut. Whoring himself out to find Kira, using his body, his face, his cock, any part of him he had.
"He didn't even do you himself. He used me to touch you," The laughter did come then, low and dark, and L tensed beneath him, drawing tight around his fingers. "Used me like a fucking condom."
"Stop," L said, suddenly. His compliance evaporated, and he tried to push up on his knees, trying to escape. Raito gave the chain in his hand a hard yank, jerking L's arm upward and he subsided with a grunt of startled pain.
"He used you. He beat you." His own blood was filled with sickly heat, the buttons on his pants maddeningly defiant until they finally parted and he shoved them down. He was aching for this, his cock painfully hard, and L was squirming beneath him, the fingers of his free hand digging into the carpet, but it didn’t keep Raito from pushing inside. L made a high, thin sound, barely audible, and Raito nearly came just from hearing it.
"Stop it!" L rasped out, as desperate as Raito had ever heard him.
"Call them," he taunted, licking at the soft curve of his ear. L shivered so deeply that Raito felt it from within. "Yell for my father, for all the detectives. They’ll save you, won't they?"
The metal chain was eating into the palm of his hand, body-warm and he clenched his fingers around it sweatily, looping his other arm around L's neck to cup his cheek. He ran a thumb over L's lips, inviting the bite and it was shockingly gentle, L's mouth hot and wet.
"Yes," L whispered into his palm. "Yes, but who will save you?"
It echoed into his head, even as he was moving, pushing into the deep, dark heat of L's body. The muscles in L's back tensed with each thrust and it didn't take long before he was moaning with each one, raising his hips in a silent plea for more. The light behind Raito's eyes was red with it, even as he tried to get deeper, even as L made that soft, lovely sound beneath him that meant he was coming, the skin beneath him glossy with sweat and so good to be touching someone else after so long alone. Even touching them like this with words lost inside him.
There was no one to save him from himself.
Sitting as far away as the cuff would allow, Raito leaned against the smooth wood of the countertop, blew out a slow breath and drew another one in. Slowly, calming the wild thrum of his heartbeat, the rush of blood within him.
L stood in front of him, watched him dispassionately as he fastened his pants. He slid his hands into his pockets and said nothing. Waiting, perhaps, thinking whatever thoughts lived in his brain. Raito kept his eyes on his lap, on his own hands.
"I'm so confused," he whispered. His hands were palm up on his knees and he could see deep grooves from the chain in the right, already purpling into bruises.
"I know." A gentle hand in his hair startled him and Raito looked up at L. His dark eyes held no pity, no warmth...but they didn't hate him either and he supposed that was something.
"Do you think I'm insane?" Raito wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer but at least he could count on L telling him the closest truth that was possible.
"I don't know," L spoke with quiet honesty. "I don't have enough information to say for certain. I do think Kira was controlling you and in that case, it's perfectly understandable for you to be confused."
It sounded reasonable enough but it didn't soothe him, the deep sting of guilt inside him but he didn't apologize. L wasn't about to for what he had done, he knew. If the uncertainty of his words bothered him at least it was better than seeing it in his eyes, better than the surety of a lost mind. "Let me help you get Kira." Quietly. "He used me, too."
Head down. Softly. "Yes."
A hand slid into his vision, offering, and Raito took it, allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. L was still standing close to him, forced intimacy by the cuff binding them together and his face was so close, pale and smooth, that Raito nearly kissed him. He reeled back a step and turned away. They weren't lovers, not even really friends, and they had a murderer to find.
He followed L back out into the main room, with the investigators and laptop computers, shuffling papers and cups half-filled with coffee littering the room. His father was absorbed in his own work but spared him a glance, his love visible in his eyes and it made something coiled tightly inside him ease, just a little.
But L was so close, only as far away as the chain between them could allow and Raito couldn't escape from that any more than he could have escaped the cage he'd been in for so long. The smooth line between his shoulder blades was too tempting, begging for fingers to slide down, to feel the gentle bumps of his spine. Raito clenched his hand into a fist, the bruises etched into his palm aching, and wished he could just go home.
-finis-
Author: Keelywolfe
Series: Death Note
Pairing: Raito x L (YAOI)
Rating: NC-17 or lemon
Spoilers through: Book 37
Summary: Set during book 37. Fourth in the 'Door' series. First, second, and third are, respectively, Closed Door and When One Door Closes, and Behind Door Number Two.
Warnings: Borderline non-con.
~~*~~
One thing Raito had never considered when he'd agreed to be chained to L was the bathroom. It was understandable that he would; it wasn't like he had nothing else on his mind, but trying to piss while L stood close by wasn't a problem he'd ever thought he'd face.
Of course, L was turned politely away, studying the far wall with great interest but Raito's bladder took some coaxing before it finally gave in, reluctantly, and he sighed his relief, trying not to think of just how long he might be stuck peeing for an audience. Or worse.
The handcuff kept sliding down his wrist while he washed his hands, irritatingly chilly despite the long contact with his skin. It was a necessary evil if it was the only way he'd be allowed to assist in the Kira investigation and the sooner that was finished, the sooner he could go home.
He was more tired than he'd expected. So long in captivity, he felt like his edges were dulled, weighted and stupid. He leaned against the counter, the coolness of the porcelain bleeding through his pants, and rested his face in his damp hands. So very tired, and it made frustration itch inside his skin because how could he help like this, what could he do, and never before in his life had to wanted, so badly, to just go home.
A hand on his back startled him, remarkably gentle. "Are you all right?"
It made him laugh, a jagged sound edged with bitterness. "I'm not really sure. Should I be?"
There was a touch of warmth at the nape of his neck, a kiss? It made him inhale sharply, swaying back towards the body behind him. The man who'd imprisoned him, accused him of being a murderer. Tricked him into thinking his own father would murder him, and L was touching him so lightly that Raito might have screamed from the want of something else.
The hand on his back was warm; the press of fingers on his shirt made Raito want to strip it away, almost annoyed that something so immaterial as clothing was separating them. He turned around quickly, slipped his arms around L's neck, his mouth already hot in anticipation of a kiss. It was a shock to see L's eyes were distant, lost and cool, and his hands were suddenly on Raito's shoulders, holding him back.
"You're not Kira," L said flatly. "Something was controlling you."
"Yes," he agreed, bewildered. "I've told you this before, I—" His arms tightened automatically, telegraphing need, want...please please...
"No."
L pushed him away until he had no choice but to step back. He watched in silence as L turned away, chewing on his forefinger, the already raw skin breaking open and a trickle of blood eased out to stain his lips. It was almost garish against his pale skin, vanishing as L licked it away with the ease of one long accustomed to it.
This was...this wasn't right. His sluggish thoughts struggled back to life, trying to find reason in this. He reached out and touched L's back, and watched as L flinched away.
"Don't touch me."
There was pain, hard and glass-brittle, and Raito couldn't help but laugh. He was suspected of being a murderer, had thought his own father was going to execute him and the man he'd been sleeping with was...what?
"That's why you slept with me. You really thought I was him," he whispered harshly.
A glance, those eyes so strange and cold. Had they always been that way, Raito couldn't remember, it was like his thoughts had been blurred, a phantom hand dragged through lines of charcoal. "Of course."
Get to know Misa, get intimate with her...
"That's what you did to me, isn't it? Got to know me, got intimate with me...does my father know that, too? Were they watching on your cameras? Think your boys kept tapes of it for jerk off material?" Raito was cold but for the burning in his face, hot blood searing his cheeks.
"No one else knows." Very softly, was that a flicker of something in his eyes? It could be anything from impatience to...something else and Raito didn't know what. There was more emotion in the eyes of a painting than this thing masquerading as a human. If Kira was a cold-blooded killer than at least he was straightforward about his murdering.
"So what? You're disappointed I'm not Kira and it's over?"
"Raito, none of this would have been necessary if I hadn't suspected--"
"No," Raito cut him off. "No, you're disappointed because you wanted to be fucking him. You wanted to be with Kira and instead you got Yagami Raito, and he's just a puppet for the real Kira. He's the one who's your friend, isn't he? Not poor Raito."
"Don't be ridicu—"
"—not good enough for the likes of L, am I?" It felt like someone else's hands, moving through water to knot into L's shirt. He shoved him backwards and L stumbled, flailing out with his free hand to grab the edge of the sink. The cheap, tiny bottles of shampoo and lotion that lined the counter rained down on the floor and Raito watched those wide eyes widen even more, his stranger's hands carrying them both down to the carpet. "I'm not who you thought you were fucking."
(...god, what am I doing what...)
Raito tangled the chain between them into his hand, yanking up on it and forcing L's hand behind him, his knee in the small of his back. Pointless, because L wasn't really struggling but to some part of him inside, it felt so good. He hadn't asked for any of this, there was a ghost of an ache inside him, demanding some penance, some atonement for all he'd gone through.
He leaned in and rubbed his cheek against L's, met nothing but warm, smooth skin. He breathed hotly against L's ear, felt him shiver minutely beneath him. "Can they see us? Are they watching us now?"
"No." A gasp of air, L's head shook back and forth. His hair just brushed the carpet, black against beige. "No, they aren't. I'm—ah! I'm watching you."
"Yes." Raito whispered. "Watch me."
L's clothing was so loose it was easy to push it down with one hand, his pants bagging around his upper thighs, exposing the warm curve of his ass. He had to give L credit; his ass was one of his better features, slender hips that pushed up towards him, his back forced into an arch, trying to ease the pressure on his arm.
One bottle of lotion was within reach and Raito managed to fumble the cap off, one-handed, spattering lotion on L's back and ass and the visual of it, white streaks on pale skin, nearly made him laugh. He bit it back, not wanting to hear his laughter right now, half-afraid it would be more of a scream.
Fingers slick with lotion, he pushed them inside, through the resistance of stubborn muscles until his knuckles were encased in heat. L twisted beneath him, soft, sweet little sounds deep in his throat, God, such a slut. Whoring himself out to find Kira, using his body, his face, his cock, any part of him he had.
"He didn't even do you himself. He used me to touch you," The laughter did come then, low and dark, and L tensed beneath him, drawing tight around his fingers. "Used me like a fucking condom."
"Stop," L said, suddenly. His compliance evaporated, and he tried to push up on his knees, trying to escape. Raito gave the chain in his hand a hard yank, jerking L's arm upward and he subsided with a grunt of startled pain.
"He used you. He beat you." His own blood was filled with sickly heat, the buttons on his pants maddeningly defiant until they finally parted and he shoved them down. He was aching for this, his cock painfully hard, and L was squirming beneath him, the fingers of his free hand digging into the carpet, but it didn’t keep Raito from pushing inside. L made a high, thin sound, barely audible, and Raito nearly came just from hearing it.
"Stop it!" L rasped out, as desperate as Raito had ever heard him.
"Call them," he taunted, licking at the soft curve of his ear. L shivered so deeply that Raito felt it from within. "Yell for my father, for all the detectives. They’ll save you, won't they?"
The metal chain was eating into the palm of his hand, body-warm and he clenched his fingers around it sweatily, looping his other arm around L's neck to cup his cheek. He ran a thumb over L's lips, inviting the bite and it was shockingly gentle, L's mouth hot and wet.
"Yes," L whispered into his palm. "Yes, but who will save you?"
It echoed into his head, even as he was moving, pushing into the deep, dark heat of L's body. The muscles in L's back tensed with each thrust and it didn't take long before he was moaning with each one, raising his hips in a silent plea for more. The light behind Raito's eyes was red with it, even as he tried to get deeper, even as L made that soft, lovely sound beneath him that meant he was coming, the skin beneath him glossy with sweat and so good to be touching someone else after so long alone. Even touching them like this with words lost inside him.
There was no one to save him from himself.
Sitting as far away as the cuff would allow, Raito leaned against the smooth wood of the countertop, blew out a slow breath and drew another one in. Slowly, calming the wild thrum of his heartbeat, the rush of blood within him.
L stood in front of him, watched him dispassionately as he fastened his pants. He slid his hands into his pockets and said nothing. Waiting, perhaps, thinking whatever thoughts lived in his brain. Raito kept his eyes on his lap, on his own hands.
"I'm so confused," he whispered. His hands were palm up on his knees and he could see deep grooves from the chain in the right, already purpling into bruises.
"I know." A gentle hand in his hair startled him and Raito looked up at L. His dark eyes held no pity, no warmth...but they didn't hate him either and he supposed that was something.
"Do you think I'm insane?" Raito wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer but at least he could count on L telling him the closest truth that was possible.
"I don't know," L spoke with quiet honesty. "I don't have enough information to say for certain. I do think Kira was controlling you and in that case, it's perfectly understandable for you to be confused."
It sounded reasonable enough but it didn't soothe him, the deep sting of guilt inside him but he didn't apologize. L wasn't about to for what he had done, he knew. If the uncertainty of his words bothered him at least it was better than seeing it in his eyes, better than the surety of a lost mind. "Let me help you get Kira." Quietly. "He used me, too."
Head down. Softly. "Yes."
A hand slid into his vision, offering, and Raito took it, allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. L was still standing close to him, forced intimacy by the cuff binding them together and his face was so close, pale and smooth, that Raito nearly kissed him. He reeled back a step and turned away. They weren't lovers, not even really friends, and they had a murderer to find.
He followed L back out into the main room, with the investigators and laptop computers, shuffling papers and cups half-filled with coffee littering the room. His father was absorbed in his own work but spared him a glance, his love visible in his eyes and it made something coiled tightly inside him ease, just a little.
But L was so close, only as far away as the chain between them could allow and Raito couldn't escape from that any more than he could have escaped the cage he'd been in for so long. The smooth line between his shoulder blades was too tempting, begging for fingers to slide down, to feel the gentle bumps of his spine. Raito clenched his hand into a fist, the bruises etched into his palm aching, and wished he could just go home.
-finis-
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-10-12 04:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-18 12:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-12 04:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-18 12:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-12 08:18 pm (UTC)I feel so very shallow, with my love of this pairing and -- but! but! these fics! >E I've been reduced to a state of wibbly fannish glee, but hey, what's wrong with glee? nfu.
♥♥♥ and so on and so on. 8D
DN is -- hard to write for, but what I like about this little series of yours is ... you're both doing your own thing, and at the same time managing to change things and make them work with canon as it comes along and all? and that's cool. yes.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-18 12:09 am (UTC)Thank you!
no subject
Date: 2004-10-12 09:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-18 12:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-12 10:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-18 12:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-13 01:17 am (UTC)Please write more soon. You're a very talented author and I'd love it if you contributed more fics to the DN fandom. ^^
no subject
Date: 2004-10-18 12:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-22 04:15 am (UTC)....after I check out the rest of your fics.
no subject
Date: 2005-02-24 06:04 am (UTC)in bed.Well, now I'm finished with all that deep philosophical stuff that I can't figure out. I shall now finish reviewing your fic:
I loved this series, and this is one of the best endings for a fanfic that I have ever seen. Especially considering that in just the last fic (or was it the 2nd fic in the series?) Raito decides he wants to stay; now, Raito wants to leave but can't. Poor Raito (>.<) You like torturing the poor boy, don't you?
L figuring out which Raito Raito was at the moment, and also his subsequent actions, were absolutely, positively, realistic. And Raito's reactions? Fantastic.
The dialogue in this fic is perhaps the best of the entire series.
I hope you continue writing,
no subject
Date: 2005-03-03 07:29 pm (UTC)And I'm very glad you've enjoyed the series! I had an interesting time writing it. I admit, I'm behind in the Death Note series right now, but I may possibly add on to this series once I've caught up.
Thank you again!
no subject
Date: 2005-04-07 09:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-11 04:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-11 04:39 pm (UTC)