![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
keelywolfeWhich is Not Freely Given
by Keelywolfe
Fandom: DC Universe
Pairing: Connor/Kyle, (Green Arrow/Green Lantern)
Rated NC-17
Notes: I hate calling a story an AU, because it always makes me feel like the characters should be cowboys or something rather than in their world but with things straying from canon. (Not that there is anything wrong with cowboys.) But I suppose a cowboy story would really be an alternate reality, not an alternate universe...anyway, no one came here to read about my indecisiveness in fannish terms so it's an AU based off of events that occurred in Green Arrow #13-14 and other events in Green Lantern #151 and #152, which you don't really have to re-read it get this. Also, some stuff from the Urban Knights crossover.
Summary: Just out of the hospital after being shot, Connor is only interested in a nap. Until...
Warnings: Nah, not really. Posted in two parts because I actually went over the LJ word limit. (Who knew there was one?)
~~*~~
It felt strange to be in bed in the middle of the day. Strange, but it wasn't necessarily a bad idea. If the alternative to a little extra rest was a pain tablet, Connor was willing to take the nap.
His head was more healed than not which was the only reason he was out of the hospital but it still ached sometimes, a little. A short nap often eased it, or even a long nap. Head wounds tended to allow a person a little leeway when it came to laziness, Connor had learned.
Not that anyone was around to complain. Mia was at school and his father was on some sort of quest with Roy. Connor hadn't asked; his head ached enough, thank you, if there had been any mentions of a grail, he would have had to dig out that bottle of vicodin after all.
It left him with a nicely empty house and the beauty of central air conditioning. There were certain perks to city dwelling and if a bullet to the head didn't allow him a tiny bit of pampering, Connor wasn't entirely sure he wanted to know what would.
Except, if no one else was around, then what was that sound from the foyer?
Connor shoved his blanket off and sat up, listening.
There.
Someone walking, a pause in their footsteps as they checked each room. Too early yet for Mia and his father would hardly need to do a room to room search.
It seemed the 'no rest for the weary' adage would be words to live by today. At least he hoped it would be to live by.
Silently, Connor slipped from the bed. His bow in one hand, he palmed a knife in the other and moved to stand behind the door. It was barely open, he hadn't bothered to close it with no one else in the house, and he could see the shadowed outline of a person walking quietly down the hallway, pausing at Mia's room before moving further down, towards his.
He waited patiently, the shadow coming closer to his room, until he could move, yanking the door back and sweeping the person's feet out from beneath them with practice ease. Instantly, he was over them, and…oh. The costume was new but the person wearing it was definitely someone he recognized.
"Kyle?" Connor scrambled back and helped his friend sit up. "Are you all right?"
Kyle just stared up at him without speaking. He looked dazed and Connor gently felt the back of his head for bumps. No obvious swelling. "Kyle?"
He blinked a little, eyes narrowing. "Yeah. I just…I came to see you."
"Obviously. Did I miss hearing you knock?"
"No. I just came to see you," Kyle repeated. He wasn't wearing a mask and his eyes were green and sort of bewildered.
"Um, right." Connor helped him to his feet, held his arm until he was sure Kyle was steady. He just seemed a little…strange, was all. Not that it was unexpected; he hadn't seen Kyle for a while but he kept up with the goings on in the JLA. In a very short amount of time, Kyle had gone from Green Lantern to nearly omnipotent being and back to Green Lantern; it was bound to leave a person at least a little scrambled around the edges.
Kyle reached out with one hand and Connor barely managed not to flinch as he lightly touched the side of his head. He bypassed the still tender scar and stroked the soft stubble at his temple instead. "You shaved your head again."
"There was a lot missing after the surgery, it just seemed easier to start from scratch," Connor laughed, a little. "Not like I'm not used to it."
"Not like this." There was a throb of almost pain as Kyle let his fingers hover over the puckered edges without touching. The lines left from the stitches were still visible through the short paleness of his hair, the wound itself more so. Connor had seen it himself, a scrawl of ruined skin. Healed skin.
"You have a scar," Kyle said, needlessly. He wasn't touching it, his fingertips no closer than to brush the bare length of the hair around it. It didn't, quite, make the ache worse.
"Yes," Connor agreed hesitantly.
"I meant to come see you, after. When you were in the hospital."
Connor nodded, thoughtlessly, and it brought Kyle's fingers into actual contact with his skin. He gasped, softly, like it hurt him. "Kyle, are you all right?"
"No, no, I keep thinking about what happened," Kyle said, stepped closer. He reached up with his other hand so that Connor's face was caged between his palms. His thumbs pressed lightly against Connor's temples. "I could have stopped it, if I'd just waited."
This was…very strange but not a bad strange, just...Kyle was standing so close, his hands warm against Connor's face. "Kyle?"
The kiss itself could barely represent the word, just the softest press of his mouth against Connor's. He gasped, eyes wide as the blur that was Kyle's face tilted in his vision, deepening the kiss into something more, wet tongue lightly tracing Connor's lips.
"Hate thinking about you hurting." A soft murmur, Kyle's breath ghosting warm against Connor's mouth and this was…it…
He didn't remember moving, only the sudden pressure of the wall against his shoulders any indication of it. There was a clatter as his bow slipped from his fingers to the floor and Kyle was only barely taller than him but enough that he had to tip his head up to allow the kiss to deepen, to part his lips and…
…and this was Kyle who was his friend, and oh, he'd never even really considered this. Not the way Kyle's uniform would feel beneath his hands, strange and sleek, material made with a thought, and when had he grabbed Kyle's shoulders? Kyle's mouth was softer than it looked, hot, and the glide of his tongue over the hard edge of Connor's teeth made him want to bite down on it, catch it and hold it.
Damp lips caught on his own, dragging over his mouth and Connor inhaled raggedly between them, tasted the dampness of Kyle's breath before his tongue ran slickly over his lips again, between them. Not coaxing, no persuasion, this was—was—
"Kyle!" Connor tore his mouth away to gasp, how could he be so out of breath from a kiss, but Kyle was pushing against him, chest to hips and there was a knee insinuating itself between his legs, pushing in and up in sudden rhythm.
Talking, yes, talking would be very good except for how he couldn't seem to remember how it worked. Words from the throat to the mouth seemed stopped at their conception by the press of Kyle's teeth, tasting a path from his jaw and lower. Fingertips tipped his chin up and Connor grabbed Kyle's head blindly, fingers tangling in his hair and just stayed there.
"Oh, that's – Kyle—you—"
"You're beautiful," whispered harshly against his throat, a threatening edge of teeth that made Connor shiver. "You're beautiful and you taste so good, I just…a little more…I need…"
It had to be vertigo from his head wound that was making him so dizzy, had to be and Kyle had one hand cupping his chest and the other on his hip, holding him against the wall with his own weight. His knee was wedged hard between Connor's legs, rocking pressure and Connor was hard, wanted to rock back, push against it and it felt unbelievably good.
"Yeah, that's good," Kyle echoed hotly against his ear. A hand slipped beneath the top of Connor's pajamas and upward, petting his chest in an almost soothing movement. Almost, but for the light scratch of nails against his nipple before Kyle rubbed a damp thumb over it, gliding in the layer of sweat springing up all over him. God, they were -- they were still in the hallway and the movement of Kyle's knee was repeated in his hips, rubbing against him with determination, famed Green Lantern willpower rendered obscene.
This wasn't right, there was something wrong but Kyle wouldn't stop touching him and he whispered brokenly against him, words that made Connor blush with embarrassment that he shouldn't even be able to consider with Kyle hard enough against him that he could feel it through all their layers of clothing. Words about heat and want, and need, over and over again, "I need you," breathed into him and yes, all right, he could push back against Kyle, ignore his whimpered protests and guide him with stumbling backwards steps towards the tangled blankets he'd been sleeping in not ten minutes ago.
It couldn't have been ten minutes; the universe didn't twist and reshape itself in so short a time. Except it did, it must, if Kyle was pushing him back on the bed, hands fumbling at Connor's pajamas until Connor had to help him, skimming the pants down and off. He never got to see them crumple to the floor, never even touched the top before Kyle was a heavy weight on top of him, suddenly naked skin against his own in an almost unseen flash of green light.
The ache in his head was as distant as another world, a sane world where Kyle's mouth wasn't a hot slide down his chest. Kyle's fingers between his legs like another layer of insanity, trembling and damp as they wrapped around his erection but Kyle's mouth was surer, sucking the taut skin of his belly, slipping lower.
Connor braced for it, not so innocent that he couldn't tell exactly where this was going but the first wet touch of Kyle's tongue against his cock tore sounds from his throat. Not words, words had long since abandoned him, deep, harsh, pleading sounds, edged with desperation. His hands found Kyle's shoulders, fumbled up into his hair and just tried to hold on to something, the wet mutter of Kyle's mouth against him alarming and wonderful, slippery tongue sweet-hard against the head as Kyle took him deeper.
He had to look down, had to see this and maybe, maybe it would be suddenly end and reality could surge back into the vacuum. Connor forced his eyes open, managed to look in time to see Kyle swallowing him down, the press of his cock between reddened lips couldn't be anything but real. The dark smudge of Kyle's lashes against his cheeks, his own hands clenched brutally tight in dark hair and Kyle only followed them, obeyed the unconscious plea in them for more, take more.
His neck ached, the strain of holding his head up at such an awkward angle but he couldn't stop watching, not now. The way Kyle's cheeks filled and hollowed as he sucked, the shiver of his eyelashes every time Connor shifted his hips. He couldn't remember when he started pushing up into it, trying desperately to follow the hot wetness of Kyle's mouth. The sounds he was making were dimly embarrassing, choked with desperation and he came hard enough to feel a warning throb at his temple, a hot surge of almost-pain engulfed in a rush of sensation that carried right back to the, oh, sweet pressure that was completely Kyle.
Connor couldn't remember closing his eyes, nothing was left but the sweep of thumbs stroking the hollows of his hips, the wet heat of Kyle's mouth seeping away into long, tender licks, the lightest of touches against too-sensitive skin until even that was gone.
Finally, finally opening his eyes to see Kyle kneeling over him, jerking himself with vicious, quick strokes.
"Beautiful, so beautiful," he muttered, "need you so much, needed this. Could have stopped it, I could have stopped them from hurting you, needed…needed," Words jumbling into incoherence, Kyle working himself almost cruelly hard and he was naked and on him and it made this realer than even Kyle's mouth had. Watching him do this, the sweat on him gleaming with every new shift of his arm, every almost word ripped from his throat.
Connor had to touch, managed to get one trembling hand up and over Kyle's. Just the head of his cock grazed Connor's palm in a streak of hot wetness and Kyle gasped, eyes flying open and he looked lost.
"I could have—I could, God, Connor, you…Connor, connorconnor," the chant of his name dissolved into a groan and he could feel it when Kyle came, the spurt of wetness against the palm of his hand, sliding down his wrist.
He didn't have time to think about it as Kyle slumped down over him, pressed his forehead to Connor's chest as he breathed harshly. Hesitantly, Connor ran a hand down his back, fingertips against sweat-slick skin and then again at Kyle's sigh.
"So beautiful," Kyle's voice was hardly louder than a heartbeat, softer with each repetition. "Beautiful, beautiful."
It was easier to fall asleep than to think. The bare throbbing in his head was starting to reassert itself so Connor closed his eyes, let the rhythm of Kyle's breathing soothe him into the rest he'd needed before. An hour's sleep couldn't make too much difference in all this.
~~*~~
"Oh, my god!"
The scream was so loud in his ear that it seemed to reverberate in his skull. Connor rolled to his feet, trying to shake off enough disorientation to stand, to move, hands scrabbling for a bow that wasn't there. No one in his world screamed without a purpose.
He finally dropped into a crouch, stayed low, out of the line of fire until he could see without spots wavering in front of his eyes. Memory came slowly, fading into view at the same time the man across the room did.
Wild green eyes tried to look at everything at once, skittering over the room and landing on Connor for the time it took Kyle to flinch, flickering again to anything but him.
"Why am I here?" Kyle asked, his voice hard. Connor could hear the layer of panic beneath it and held out his hands in what he hoped was a placating manner.
"Calm down, it's all right," Connor tried, without much hope. He couldn't answer questions he didn't know the answer to. He realized that he was more naked than not, the top of his pajamas just brushing his thighs and he eased down further, shielding himself from Kyle's eyes. It was doubtful that Connor's state of undress was going to help.
If only he knew what he was trying to help. He'd suspected something was wrong from the moment Kyle had arrived but not this wrong.
Kyle's uniform reappeared in a nearly blinding flash of green. Not quite though, Connor realized, it wasn't properly formed, the lines between the black and green blurred and that more than anything told Connor that something was seriously wrong. He'd never seen Kyle lose control like this. A day of firsts, he thought, biting his lip against a sardonic smile that was trying to push through like a blister over a wound.
The ache in his head was growing steadily worse, a real throb of pain bouncing against his temple. Kyle was crouched in a corner across the room, one visibly shaking hand pressed against his forehead which probably meant his head was aching as much as Connor's, although for an entirely different reason, he was very sure.
Some kind of mind control, probably. Maybe. It made more sense than anything else did and Connor really couldn't believe his own plain stupidity for not seeing it before. It was unnerving to recall how easily he'd been…seduced, for lack of a better word. Head wounds notwithstanding, Kyle had barely kissed him before he'd given in. So much for vaunted self-control.
Damage control was all he had left then.
Very, very slowly, Connor eased forward, staying on his hands and knees. Trying to be as non-threatening as a half-naked man who smelled like three days of masturbation could be.
He was close enough to see the rapid rise and fall of Kyle's chest before he tried to speak, pitching his voice low.
"Kyle? Just try to --" Take it easy, he never said. The first word had Kyle on his feet, scrambling back two steps before he fell and then still moving, an awkward crab-crawl that took him back from Connor.
"Kyle!" He hadn't meant to say it as loudly as he had, his own aching head and confusion not lending him any assistance and what little hope he had to control this situation faded as Kyle *flinched* from him.
"Don't touch me!" Kyle's voice was hoarse, oddly shrill and then he was simply gone, green flaring in Connor's vision again as Kyle finally caught some control and vanished, actually opening a hole in the wall that closed behind him.
"Connor?" Mia's voice, echoing up the staircase and Connor was still mostly naked and barely two steps away from his own state of panic. He ripped the top sheet off and wrapped it around his waist. It took the last of the strength that he had and Connor sank carefully to the floor, breathing deeply against the darkness wavering in front of his eyes.
"Connor!" He heard something heavy falling, the shuffling scuttle of paper. Books, he realize, Mia had dropped her schoolbooks. Cool hands were on his shoulders, one moving to his forehead and Connor leaned against it gratefully.
"Oh, Jesus, hold on, let me call the doctor, I—" The fear in Mia's voice was oddly soothing to his own.
"No," Connor managed, "No, just – help me back to bed, please?"
He forced his eyes to open, looked up into Mia's pale, worried face. "Yeah, yeah, sure, c'mon, up we go."
Mia's gentle strength as she settled him on the bed was something to be grateful for, as was her silence on the matter of his undress. That she didn't even tease said a great deal about her state of mind, maybe about Connor's as well.
She pulled a blanket over him, smoothing the fabric. "Look, I'm going to give the doctor a jingle, okay? They said we should keep an eye out for any weirdness because it could be like, a blood clot or something."
"I'm fine, Mia. Really." Doctors wouldn't be able to do much for this weirdness.
"Are you sure?" Mia asked doubtfully.
"Very."
"All right, you get one incident of freakiness. One." She shook one finger at him threateningly. "Two equals a 911 call, got it?"
"Yes, ma'am," Connor agreed tiredly. The ache in his head throbbed sharply in time to his heartbeat. "Could you please bring me one of my pain pills?"
Mia stared. "That is almost enough to count as a second listing on the freak-o-meter. I'm still in the right universe and everything, yeah?"
A good question, all things considered. "Could you get me the JLA communicator, too?"
Mia's eyes widened. "This freakiness is beyond 911, isn't it?" She sighed at Connor's silence. "All right, all right, Obi-Wan. I'm going. Try not to die before I get back?"
The note of seriousness in her voice made Connor nod despite his aching head. "I'll try."
It was the best he could offer.
~~*~~
Report back if Green Lantern made contact with him again had been the official response from the JLA. Not that he had expected something less curt from Batman of all people; the man took the art of providing information on the driest possible level to Sahara proportions.
If there was one thing to be grateful for it was that he would also offer whatever information he deemed necessary without any frills, only the plain hard data. 'Deemed necessary' could cause the occasion problem but in this case Connor knew all he could hope to know without traveling to New York himself.
A battle with someone called Brainwave involving Sentinel and Green Lantern. Somewhere in the midst of the chaos, Kyle had vanished. He had since returned to New York and the situation was under control. The Justice Society would be handling any cleanup or resulting issues from this point.
Batman had offered all this information with clipped precision. He hadn't asked for any details surrounding Kyle's appearance in Star City and Connor hadn't offered anything more than the simple facts; that Kyle had been acting strangely and had left in a state of extreme upset. For that, he could be thankful it was Batman in the monitoring room. Anyone else would have asked questions, ones that Connor wasn't sure he could answer yet.
If Green Lantern returned to Star City and seemed at all disoriented, he was to contact them. Also if he had any details to supply concerning the situation, they would be passed on to the JSA or any other involved parties.
And that had ended the transmission.
Connor was still holding the communicator, rubbing his fingers over the molded plastic.
A battle with someone called Brainwave went a long way to confirming his suspicions that there was some kind of mind control involved, of a very powerful sort if it took both the oldest and the newest Green Lanterns on the planet to handle it.
And Jade, Sentinel's daughter and Kyle's girlfriend. Batman had mentioned she was involved as well, mustn't forget her. Except for that fact that he already had for exactly the amount of time it took to sleep with her boyfriend. No, he amended, to have sex with him. Sleeping had come afterward.
The ache in his head had responded entirely too readily to the pain tablet he'd taken but while pain could clear a person's head, opioids weren't known for that same. As unaccustomed as he was to taking them, he'd started feeling drowsy almost before the throbbing had started to ease.
It hadn't left him in the best state to stand upright, much less to consider how a five minute encounter had just reduced his life into something out of a bad country song. Or a bad science fiction novel, he'd rather his life was something readable so people could take it on the bus.
Connor thought it might be better if he tried to sleep again. His thoughts had the consistency of a shredded newspaper pudding. A blue pudding, he decided. He was tired of the color green today.
It was nearly time for Mia to reappear in his doorway to discreetly, she believed, make sure he was still breathing. This time he'd give the communicator to her before he dropped it or worse, used it to tell Batman about his life as a book that was really a pudding in disguise. If Kyle did stop by again, they weren't going to be having much of a stimulating conversation.
What little conversation they'd had on his last visit had been stimulating enough.
Minutes or hours later, his dwindling time sense melting away like those clocks in a painting, he dimly felt someone take the communicator from his hand, the soft click as it was set on the bedside table. His dreams were murky and untouchable; a dark, blender-drink swirl of blurred thought that only gave him one clear image. It clung to him until morning, slipping in and retreating behind his eyes, bursting when he woke the next morning and fading.
The day before had been strange but Connor was accustomed to a little of that in his life. He stretched while still on his bed, shaking off the lingering grogginess from the meds before kneeling on his meditation mat laid out on the other side of the room.
He needed some time to search within himself, to consider all that he had done and what he had allowed to be done.
I need you.
A memory of the day before, of his dream, Kyle's eyes sharp green and lost and…beautiful, he'd said, Connor remembered. Called him beautiful. Another thing to consider.
Connor closed his eyes and relaxed, and wondered briefly if his friend was all right.
~~*~~
He didn't have a chance to find out until days later, late in the evening while he was surrounded by schoolbooks as he checked Mia's homework for her. Methodically, he ticked off each problem that was incorrect before handing it back to her, very careful not to smile at her groan. Two problems wrong and it was her third time doing them.
"How is it that you even *know* Algebra," Mia demanded, tossing a handful of papers at him. "You didn't even ride a short bus to school."
"All the knowledge in the world is in the books, not the building," he chided, straightening the pages. As far behind as she had been in her schoolwork after years on the streets, it was nothing short of amazing that she was doing as well as she was. That she didn't seem to know the meaning of the word discouraged was only another thing that made her so remarkable.
"Tell that to Ollie." She grudgingly picked up her pen and began again.
"I'd rather tell him how great you're doing in all this, he'd be really proud," Connor said, honestly. It was worth saying often, just to see the light in her eyes brighten, her determination strengthen.
The moment was interrupted by the phone ringing. Connor pushed his chair back from the table and answered it. Probably his dad; speaking of the devil did have a tendency to make him pop up.
"Hello?"
Silence.
"Hello?" Connor repeated warily. Still nothing, not even the sound of breathing. He wondered if he weren't getting a little paranoid if a simple wrong number or prank call gave his heart rate a bump upward.
He started to set the phone back on the receiver, the phone inches from his ear when someone finally spoke but he recognized it instantly.
"Connor."
He glanced at Mia. Her blonde head was bent over her homework, seemingly oblivious to the not-conversation happening behind her.
Seemingly.
Nothing for it. He brought the phone back to his ear. "Kyle?"
A long, slow breath. "Yeah. I…yeah."
There were words to be said here, Connor was sure of it. He'd known Kyle for years now, longer, in fact, than he had known his own father. They were friends.
They were friends.
"Kyle," he said again, a little helplessly. "Are you all right?" Banal, useless words. It was a question Connor was sure he already knew the answer to.
The faint, pained laughter told him he was correct. "All right? I…look, I need to see you, okay?"
Connor let out a breath he hadn't been aware of holding. "Okay. Do you need—" the address, he nearly said, bit his tongue on it. "I can be home tonight, if you want."
"No! I mean, no. Are you patrolling tonight?"
He glanced at Mia again. Her pen, conspicuously silent for the past minute scratched into motion. "No, I'm still recovering from…you know."
There was a loud, long exhale. "Yeah, of course you are, you've only been out of the hospital for a week. Stupid of me."
"No, it wasn't," he corrected without thinking and bit his tongue again. "There's a city park on the corner of Vine and State," he added hurriedly. "I can meet you there."
"Sure, that'd be fine. In about an hour?"
"I'll be there."
The line went dead without a goodbye and Connor hung up the phone. He leaned against the wall for a moment longer, pressed his forehead against the cool, cream-colored paint before moving back to sit at the table.
"Friend of yours?" Mia asked casually. She didn't look up from her paper until Connor was silent for far too long.
"Yes." Connor didn't elaborate and Mia's wrinkled nose and curious glances couldn't coax any more from him. He didn't add that he hoped they were still friends. An hour from now he'd know the answer to that and if it was about to change, he'd rather he was the only one who knew for now.
~~*~~
It was cool enough that Connor needed the jacket he'd thought to bring along. The sun was still up, barely, and people were moving in little groups and bunches along the pathways, joggers and bikers, laughing children.
Not all that long ago this park would have been a poor choice for a meeting spot after dusk. The reappearance of Green Arrow had changed that quickly and it was visible in the easy confidence they had at being here.
Connor leaned against a large, old oak and watched the children playing on their new playground equipment, thoughtfully donated by an anonymous benefactor. Anonymous to most of Star City, anyway.
Their parents sat on nearby benches or followed them, winding through the little clusters of youth to keep track of happy toddlers. He saw more than one wary glance in his direction and couldn't help a wince when he suddenly realized why and he decided it might be best if he moved. A sad commentary on the city when you couldn't watch children playing without people being afraid you were a pedophile.
It seemed that Green Arrow still had his work cut out for him. Both of them.
A glance at his watch confirmed that it wasn't just his nerves. He'd been waiting for nearly a half an hour for Kyle. There were a million and one reasons that he might be late, might not show up at all. Always a need for the Green Lanterns of the world and there might not be time to spare for a single personal issue. Never mind that Kyle wasn't like that, his friends were important to him and --
"Connor." It came quietly, from behind him. He turned around and Kyle was there, in jeans and his own jacket, his hands visibly clenched in the pockets. Of course he wouldn't be in his uniform and Connor wasn't surprised to see it, only his mind's eye always insisted on seeing Kyle in just that way, the first way he'd ever seen him. He wondered if other heroes thought of him like that, always in uniform. It was oddly comforting.
He wondered if Kyle would have preferred *him* to be in his uniform. He already looked three steps away from leaving without saying another word, his eyes a flickering trace of green as he looked around Connor at the trees, the benches, anything.
Connor caught himself reaching up to rub his forehead, forced his hand back down to his side. "Let's walk," he offered, breaking the silence before it overwhelmed them. Kyle startled visibly, finally looked at him.
It was a start.
"Are you sure?" Kyle's eyes flicked towards Connor's temple.
"I'm fine."
"Right, right, I'm sorry," Kyle sighed heavily, pushed a hand viciously through his hair. "Christ, I don't even know what to say. I keep thinking there should be something but it all sounds so stupid, I can't even say I'm sorry because I didn't mean to…to…but I am, I –"
"I take it you remember, then," Connor said when Kyle finally took a shaky breath.
Kyle looked away. "Yeah, I remember." A thin, painful smile. "That guy made sure I remembered."
Of course he would. They both knew how people like that worked; it wouldn't have cut if Kyle didn't remember it. Connor wondered if this would get worse before it could get better, stumbling conversations where Kyle could barely look at him. He knew Kyle hated things like this, hated looking stupid in front of anyone. Didn't like being on the spot without a ready answer handy, so used to faking perfect confidence that Kyle probably forgot it was fake until it left him lost.
A few days introspection had taught him he knew a lot of things about Kyle he hadn't realized he knew.
Connor kept quiet, watching his own tennis shoes pushing through the layers of dead leaves as they walked. It would be easy to fill in the silence and Kyle would certainly let him, probably gratefully. Listening came to Kyle effortlessly and more than once Connor had used that; laying his troubles out in front of Kyle made them easier to understand. It wasn't what he wanted. He wanted his friend to talk to him this time.
It was a shame that Kyle didn't seem willing. Connor did understand. This wasn't exactly in their normal range of problems, not in the least because said problems didn't usually include each other. Really not sex with each other. And yeah, sure, it was a big deal, Connor had a few issues of his own to deal with when it was all said and done but first they had to get to the said portion of it.
Perhaps some prodding was in order. "Kyle, usually a talk involves a little more…talking."
"I distinctly recall saying I needed to see you. I don't remember telling you talking would be involved."
The humor made him blink, eased some of the nervous tightness in his chest. Maybe this would be okay, yet.
"That's true," Connor said agreeably. "I was pretty sure the talking was inferred."
"Yeah." They'd made a full circle around the park, Kyle following him down each path as the dwindling people around them faded back to their homes. It was past dark now, streetlights flickering to life and casting their yellowish glow in little rings of safety that weren't quite as necessary as they'd been some weeks before.
"I'm sorry I haven't…" Kyle hesitated, made an awkward gesture. "I'm a little freaked out."
"I noticed." Connor tried a little smile, let it fade when it wasn't returned. "Look, it's all right." So he was giving in a little, trying to smooth things over. He wasn't used to Kyle looking at him like this, like he was something to be wary of. They'd barely known each other when Kyle had first taken off his mask and shown Connor his face, like he'd known they were destined to be friends. Connor believed in destiny but more than that, he wanted that friendship. Not because he didn't have so many that he couldn't afford to lose one, true as that was, but it was Kyle. He wasn't sure he knew how to not be friends with him.
"It's not all right," Kyle said, turning away, his voice low and broken. "You're my friend. I can't. You're convalescing after getting shot in the head and -- and I – I came out here, he *made* me come out here and just …forced…" Choked off.
"Is that what has you so upset?" Connor said, honestly surprised. He'd rather thought it was the whole sex-with-another-man-who-happens-to-be-a-good-friend that had Kyle so worked up. "You didn't force me. You didn't," he insisted at Kyle's pained expression. "Have a little more faith in me than that! I know you have the ring but you weren't using it. Head wound or not, I could have knocked you unconscious before you even tried to stop me."
"Then why didn't you?" Kyle's voice cracked a little, plaintive sound that ached in the air between them.
A good question that deserved an answer but it was one he'd been searching within himself for days. His own willingness had startled even him; he really hadn't even made an attempt to stop Kyle. A thousand reasons for it, perhaps. He hadn't known Kyle wasn't himself, he had been too shocked by his own arousal to question Kyle's, his head had been hurting and Kyle had been so –
"You said you needed me." Simply and Connor hadn't wanted to make this Kyle's fault. It wasn't his fault.
"Yeah," A low breath. "I remember that, too."
They had fallen out of step in the middle of a copse of trees, the leaves obscuring the skyline.
"I don’t really remember even coming to Star City," Kyle said, tipping his head back to look at the green canopy of leaves over them. "I just remember thinking that I'd never made time to see you in the hospital. I never tried."
Connor watched as Kyle twisted his hands together, the ring disappearing and reappearing in flashes of green against pale skin. "Just a couple of days before you got shot, I'd had all this power, you know? I could have done anything as Ion, I could have stopped it from even happening and I'd given it up. I was so angry, if I'd just waited a couple more days."
He turned to Connor, his eyes a wet gleam in the low light. "I knew I had to give that power back but every time I see something I could have stopped, I just get so…and now you have that scar. And I couldn't make myself see you, until he made me."
"You can't seriously be blaming yourself for me getting shot," Connor said disbelievingly. "Because I'd really have to just hurt you. We can't blame ourselves for every person we can't save, you know that."
"I know," Kyle nodded, his expression unchanging. "Not every person."
He reached out with dreamy slowness, an echo of before with his fingertips hovering cool over the side of Connor's head where the scar was and this time Connor closed his eyes and leaned into it, helplessly. He wanted Kyle to touch. It would prove to him, maybe, that it was healing, that he was going to be fine. Kyle's fingers skittering through the straw-pale stubble of his hair barely caused an ache before they were gone, Kyle yanking his hand away.
Connor opened his eyes and Kyle was looking at him with distant horror, actually taking a step backwards as if Connor could possibly hurt him when he was the one with the ring.
But then it had been proved before that the ring didn't always save him.
"I…I have to…to go," Kyle stammered out, "Jenn wanted to come but I told her…she knows, that Brainwave guy told her but she's cool with it, she...she's waiting. I should."
"All right," Connor said calmly. He crossed his arms over his chest, staving off the growing chill. "Stay in touch."
Kyle winced and Connor bit his lip but there was a smile quickly enough, feeble, but a still a smile. "I will. Later, man."
Connor nodded. "Later."
He watched Kyle walk away and waited. A flare of green light burst from the trees and upward, moving away from Star City. Away from him.
He'd said it was all right and he'd meant it. He would be all right and if some spoiled little part of him had become far too accustomed to knowing there was a piece of Kyle that was his, then he'd get over that too. This wasn't the first battle he'd lost in recent days and at least this wound wouldn't be lethal.
The deprivation would be good for his karma.
~~*~~
end part 1
Read Part 2
by Keelywolfe
Fandom: DC Universe
Pairing: Connor/Kyle, (Green Arrow/Green Lantern)
Rated NC-17
Notes: I hate calling a story an AU, because it always makes me feel like the characters should be cowboys or something rather than in their world but with things straying from canon. (Not that there is anything wrong with cowboys.) But I suppose a cowboy story would really be an alternate reality, not an alternate universe...anyway, no one came here to read about my indecisiveness in fannish terms so it's an AU based off of events that occurred in Green Arrow #13-14 and other events in Green Lantern #151 and #152, which you don't really have to re-read it get this. Also, some stuff from the Urban Knights crossover.
Summary: Just out of the hospital after being shot, Connor is only interested in a nap. Until...
Warnings: Nah, not really. Posted in two parts because I actually went over the LJ word limit. (Who knew there was one?)
~~*~~
It felt strange to be in bed in the middle of the day. Strange, but it wasn't necessarily a bad idea. If the alternative to a little extra rest was a pain tablet, Connor was willing to take the nap.
His head was more healed than not which was the only reason he was out of the hospital but it still ached sometimes, a little. A short nap often eased it, or even a long nap. Head wounds tended to allow a person a little leeway when it came to laziness, Connor had learned.
Not that anyone was around to complain. Mia was at school and his father was on some sort of quest with Roy. Connor hadn't asked; his head ached enough, thank you, if there had been any mentions of a grail, he would have had to dig out that bottle of vicodin after all.
It left him with a nicely empty house and the beauty of central air conditioning. There were certain perks to city dwelling and if a bullet to the head didn't allow him a tiny bit of pampering, Connor wasn't entirely sure he wanted to know what would.
Except, if no one else was around, then what was that sound from the foyer?
Connor shoved his blanket off and sat up, listening.
There.
Someone walking, a pause in their footsteps as they checked each room. Too early yet for Mia and his father would hardly need to do a room to room search.
It seemed the 'no rest for the weary' adage would be words to live by today. At least he hoped it would be to live by.
Silently, Connor slipped from the bed. His bow in one hand, he palmed a knife in the other and moved to stand behind the door. It was barely open, he hadn't bothered to close it with no one else in the house, and he could see the shadowed outline of a person walking quietly down the hallway, pausing at Mia's room before moving further down, towards his.
He waited patiently, the shadow coming closer to his room, until he could move, yanking the door back and sweeping the person's feet out from beneath them with practice ease. Instantly, he was over them, and…oh. The costume was new but the person wearing it was definitely someone he recognized.
"Kyle?" Connor scrambled back and helped his friend sit up. "Are you all right?"
Kyle just stared up at him without speaking. He looked dazed and Connor gently felt the back of his head for bumps. No obvious swelling. "Kyle?"
He blinked a little, eyes narrowing. "Yeah. I just…I came to see you."
"Obviously. Did I miss hearing you knock?"
"No. I just came to see you," Kyle repeated. He wasn't wearing a mask and his eyes were green and sort of bewildered.
"Um, right." Connor helped him to his feet, held his arm until he was sure Kyle was steady. He just seemed a little…strange, was all. Not that it was unexpected; he hadn't seen Kyle for a while but he kept up with the goings on in the JLA. In a very short amount of time, Kyle had gone from Green Lantern to nearly omnipotent being and back to Green Lantern; it was bound to leave a person at least a little scrambled around the edges.
Kyle reached out with one hand and Connor barely managed not to flinch as he lightly touched the side of his head. He bypassed the still tender scar and stroked the soft stubble at his temple instead. "You shaved your head again."
"There was a lot missing after the surgery, it just seemed easier to start from scratch," Connor laughed, a little. "Not like I'm not used to it."
"Not like this." There was a throb of almost pain as Kyle let his fingers hover over the puckered edges without touching. The lines left from the stitches were still visible through the short paleness of his hair, the wound itself more so. Connor had seen it himself, a scrawl of ruined skin. Healed skin.
"You have a scar," Kyle said, needlessly. He wasn't touching it, his fingertips no closer than to brush the bare length of the hair around it. It didn't, quite, make the ache worse.
"Yes," Connor agreed hesitantly.
"I meant to come see you, after. When you were in the hospital."
Connor nodded, thoughtlessly, and it brought Kyle's fingers into actual contact with his skin. He gasped, softly, like it hurt him. "Kyle, are you all right?"
"No, no, I keep thinking about what happened," Kyle said, stepped closer. He reached up with his other hand so that Connor's face was caged between his palms. His thumbs pressed lightly against Connor's temples. "I could have stopped it, if I'd just waited."
This was…very strange but not a bad strange, just...Kyle was standing so close, his hands warm against Connor's face. "Kyle?"
The kiss itself could barely represent the word, just the softest press of his mouth against Connor's. He gasped, eyes wide as the blur that was Kyle's face tilted in his vision, deepening the kiss into something more, wet tongue lightly tracing Connor's lips.
"Hate thinking about you hurting." A soft murmur, Kyle's breath ghosting warm against Connor's mouth and this was…it…
He didn't remember moving, only the sudden pressure of the wall against his shoulders any indication of it. There was a clatter as his bow slipped from his fingers to the floor and Kyle was only barely taller than him but enough that he had to tip his head up to allow the kiss to deepen, to part his lips and…
…and this was Kyle who was his friend, and oh, he'd never even really considered this. Not the way Kyle's uniform would feel beneath his hands, strange and sleek, material made with a thought, and when had he grabbed Kyle's shoulders? Kyle's mouth was softer than it looked, hot, and the glide of his tongue over the hard edge of Connor's teeth made him want to bite down on it, catch it and hold it.
Damp lips caught on his own, dragging over his mouth and Connor inhaled raggedly between them, tasted the dampness of Kyle's breath before his tongue ran slickly over his lips again, between them. Not coaxing, no persuasion, this was—was—
"Kyle!" Connor tore his mouth away to gasp, how could he be so out of breath from a kiss, but Kyle was pushing against him, chest to hips and there was a knee insinuating itself between his legs, pushing in and up in sudden rhythm.
Talking, yes, talking would be very good except for how he couldn't seem to remember how it worked. Words from the throat to the mouth seemed stopped at their conception by the press of Kyle's teeth, tasting a path from his jaw and lower. Fingertips tipped his chin up and Connor grabbed Kyle's head blindly, fingers tangling in his hair and just stayed there.
"Oh, that's – Kyle—you—"
"You're beautiful," whispered harshly against his throat, a threatening edge of teeth that made Connor shiver. "You're beautiful and you taste so good, I just…a little more…I need…"
It had to be vertigo from his head wound that was making him so dizzy, had to be and Kyle had one hand cupping his chest and the other on his hip, holding him against the wall with his own weight. His knee was wedged hard between Connor's legs, rocking pressure and Connor was hard, wanted to rock back, push against it and it felt unbelievably good.
"Yeah, that's good," Kyle echoed hotly against his ear. A hand slipped beneath the top of Connor's pajamas and upward, petting his chest in an almost soothing movement. Almost, but for the light scratch of nails against his nipple before Kyle rubbed a damp thumb over it, gliding in the layer of sweat springing up all over him. God, they were -- they were still in the hallway and the movement of Kyle's knee was repeated in his hips, rubbing against him with determination, famed Green Lantern willpower rendered obscene.
This wasn't right, there was something wrong but Kyle wouldn't stop touching him and he whispered brokenly against him, words that made Connor blush with embarrassment that he shouldn't even be able to consider with Kyle hard enough against him that he could feel it through all their layers of clothing. Words about heat and want, and need, over and over again, "I need you," breathed into him and yes, all right, he could push back against Kyle, ignore his whimpered protests and guide him with stumbling backwards steps towards the tangled blankets he'd been sleeping in not ten minutes ago.
It couldn't have been ten minutes; the universe didn't twist and reshape itself in so short a time. Except it did, it must, if Kyle was pushing him back on the bed, hands fumbling at Connor's pajamas until Connor had to help him, skimming the pants down and off. He never got to see them crumple to the floor, never even touched the top before Kyle was a heavy weight on top of him, suddenly naked skin against his own in an almost unseen flash of green light.
The ache in his head was as distant as another world, a sane world where Kyle's mouth wasn't a hot slide down his chest. Kyle's fingers between his legs like another layer of insanity, trembling and damp as they wrapped around his erection but Kyle's mouth was surer, sucking the taut skin of his belly, slipping lower.
Connor braced for it, not so innocent that he couldn't tell exactly where this was going but the first wet touch of Kyle's tongue against his cock tore sounds from his throat. Not words, words had long since abandoned him, deep, harsh, pleading sounds, edged with desperation. His hands found Kyle's shoulders, fumbled up into his hair and just tried to hold on to something, the wet mutter of Kyle's mouth against him alarming and wonderful, slippery tongue sweet-hard against the head as Kyle took him deeper.
He had to look down, had to see this and maybe, maybe it would be suddenly end and reality could surge back into the vacuum. Connor forced his eyes open, managed to look in time to see Kyle swallowing him down, the press of his cock between reddened lips couldn't be anything but real. The dark smudge of Kyle's lashes against his cheeks, his own hands clenched brutally tight in dark hair and Kyle only followed them, obeyed the unconscious plea in them for more, take more.
His neck ached, the strain of holding his head up at such an awkward angle but he couldn't stop watching, not now. The way Kyle's cheeks filled and hollowed as he sucked, the shiver of his eyelashes every time Connor shifted his hips. He couldn't remember when he started pushing up into it, trying desperately to follow the hot wetness of Kyle's mouth. The sounds he was making were dimly embarrassing, choked with desperation and he came hard enough to feel a warning throb at his temple, a hot surge of almost-pain engulfed in a rush of sensation that carried right back to the, oh, sweet pressure that was completely Kyle.
Connor couldn't remember closing his eyes, nothing was left but the sweep of thumbs stroking the hollows of his hips, the wet heat of Kyle's mouth seeping away into long, tender licks, the lightest of touches against too-sensitive skin until even that was gone.
Finally, finally opening his eyes to see Kyle kneeling over him, jerking himself with vicious, quick strokes.
"Beautiful, so beautiful," he muttered, "need you so much, needed this. Could have stopped it, I could have stopped them from hurting you, needed…needed," Words jumbling into incoherence, Kyle working himself almost cruelly hard and he was naked and on him and it made this realer than even Kyle's mouth had. Watching him do this, the sweat on him gleaming with every new shift of his arm, every almost word ripped from his throat.
Connor had to touch, managed to get one trembling hand up and over Kyle's. Just the head of his cock grazed Connor's palm in a streak of hot wetness and Kyle gasped, eyes flying open and he looked lost.
"I could have—I could, God, Connor, you…Connor, connorconnor," the chant of his name dissolved into a groan and he could feel it when Kyle came, the spurt of wetness against the palm of his hand, sliding down his wrist.
He didn't have time to think about it as Kyle slumped down over him, pressed his forehead to Connor's chest as he breathed harshly. Hesitantly, Connor ran a hand down his back, fingertips against sweat-slick skin and then again at Kyle's sigh.
"So beautiful," Kyle's voice was hardly louder than a heartbeat, softer with each repetition. "Beautiful, beautiful."
It was easier to fall asleep than to think. The bare throbbing in his head was starting to reassert itself so Connor closed his eyes, let the rhythm of Kyle's breathing soothe him into the rest he'd needed before. An hour's sleep couldn't make too much difference in all this.
~~*~~
"Oh, my god!"
The scream was so loud in his ear that it seemed to reverberate in his skull. Connor rolled to his feet, trying to shake off enough disorientation to stand, to move, hands scrabbling for a bow that wasn't there. No one in his world screamed without a purpose.
He finally dropped into a crouch, stayed low, out of the line of fire until he could see without spots wavering in front of his eyes. Memory came slowly, fading into view at the same time the man across the room did.
Wild green eyes tried to look at everything at once, skittering over the room and landing on Connor for the time it took Kyle to flinch, flickering again to anything but him.
"Why am I here?" Kyle asked, his voice hard. Connor could hear the layer of panic beneath it and held out his hands in what he hoped was a placating manner.
"Calm down, it's all right," Connor tried, without much hope. He couldn't answer questions he didn't know the answer to. He realized that he was more naked than not, the top of his pajamas just brushing his thighs and he eased down further, shielding himself from Kyle's eyes. It was doubtful that Connor's state of undress was going to help.
If only he knew what he was trying to help. He'd suspected something was wrong from the moment Kyle had arrived but not this wrong.
Kyle's uniform reappeared in a nearly blinding flash of green. Not quite though, Connor realized, it wasn't properly formed, the lines between the black and green blurred and that more than anything told Connor that something was seriously wrong. He'd never seen Kyle lose control like this. A day of firsts, he thought, biting his lip against a sardonic smile that was trying to push through like a blister over a wound.
The ache in his head was growing steadily worse, a real throb of pain bouncing against his temple. Kyle was crouched in a corner across the room, one visibly shaking hand pressed against his forehead which probably meant his head was aching as much as Connor's, although for an entirely different reason, he was very sure.
Some kind of mind control, probably. Maybe. It made more sense than anything else did and Connor really couldn't believe his own plain stupidity for not seeing it before. It was unnerving to recall how easily he'd been…seduced, for lack of a better word. Head wounds notwithstanding, Kyle had barely kissed him before he'd given in. So much for vaunted self-control.
Damage control was all he had left then.
Very, very slowly, Connor eased forward, staying on his hands and knees. Trying to be as non-threatening as a half-naked man who smelled like three days of masturbation could be.
He was close enough to see the rapid rise and fall of Kyle's chest before he tried to speak, pitching his voice low.
"Kyle? Just try to --" Take it easy, he never said. The first word had Kyle on his feet, scrambling back two steps before he fell and then still moving, an awkward crab-crawl that took him back from Connor.
"Kyle!" He hadn't meant to say it as loudly as he had, his own aching head and confusion not lending him any assistance and what little hope he had to control this situation faded as Kyle *flinched* from him.
"Don't touch me!" Kyle's voice was hoarse, oddly shrill and then he was simply gone, green flaring in Connor's vision again as Kyle finally caught some control and vanished, actually opening a hole in the wall that closed behind him.
"Connor?" Mia's voice, echoing up the staircase and Connor was still mostly naked and barely two steps away from his own state of panic. He ripped the top sheet off and wrapped it around his waist. It took the last of the strength that he had and Connor sank carefully to the floor, breathing deeply against the darkness wavering in front of his eyes.
"Connor!" He heard something heavy falling, the shuffling scuttle of paper. Books, he realize, Mia had dropped her schoolbooks. Cool hands were on his shoulders, one moving to his forehead and Connor leaned against it gratefully.
"Oh, Jesus, hold on, let me call the doctor, I—" The fear in Mia's voice was oddly soothing to his own.
"No," Connor managed, "No, just – help me back to bed, please?"
He forced his eyes to open, looked up into Mia's pale, worried face. "Yeah, yeah, sure, c'mon, up we go."
Mia's gentle strength as she settled him on the bed was something to be grateful for, as was her silence on the matter of his undress. That she didn't even tease said a great deal about her state of mind, maybe about Connor's as well.
She pulled a blanket over him, smoothing the fabric. "Look, I'm going to give the doctor a jingle, okay? They said we should keep an eye out for any weirdness because it could be like, a blood clot or something."
"I'm fine, Mia. Really." Doctors wouldn't be able to do much for this weirdness.
"Are you sure?" Mia asked doubtfully.
"Very."
"All right, you get one incident of freakiness. One." She shook one finger at him threateningly. "Two equals a 911 call, got it?"
"Yes, ma'am," Connor agreed tiredly. The ache in his head throbbed sharply in time to his heartbeat. "Could you please bring me one of my pain pills?"
Mia stared. "That is almost enough to count as a second listing on the freak-o-meter. I'm still in the right universe and everything, yeah?"
A good question, all things considered. "Could you get me the JLA communicator, too?"
Mia's eyes widened. "This freakiness is beyond 911, isn't it?" She sighed at Connor's silence. "All right, all right, Obi-Wan. I'm going. Try not to die before I get back?"
The note of seriousness in her voice made Connor nod despite his aching head. "I'll try."
It was the best he could offer.
~~*~~
Report back if Green Lantern made contact with him again had been the official response from the JLA. Not that he had expected something less curt from Batman of all people; the man took the art of providing information on the driest possible level to Sahara proportions.
If there was one thing to be grateful for it was that he would also offer whatever information he deemed necessary without any frills, only the plain hard data. 'Deemed necessary' could cause the occasion problem but in this case Connor knew all he could hope to know without traveling to New York himself.
A battle with someone called Brainwave involving Sentinel and Green Lantern. Somewhere in the midst of the chaos, Kyle had vanished. He had since returned to New York and the situation was under control. The Justice Society would be handling any cleanup or resulting issues from this point.
Batman had offered all this information with clipped precision. He hadn't asked for any details surrounding Kyle's appearance in Star City and Connor hadn't offered anything more than the simple facts; that Kyle had been acting strangely and had left in a state of extreme upset. For that, he could be thankful it was Batman in the monitoring room. Anyone else would have asked questions, ones that Connor wasn't sure he could answer yet.
If Green Lantern returned to Star City and seemed at all disoriented, he was to contact them. Also if he had any details to supply concerning the situation, they would be passed on to the JSA or any other involved parties.
And that had ended the transmission.
Connor was still holding the communicator, rubbing his fingers over the molded plastic.
A battle with someone called Brainwave went a long way to confirming his suspicions that there was some kind of mind control involved, of a very powerful sort if it took both the oldest and the newest Green Lanterns on the planet to handle it.
And Jade, Sentinel's daughter and Kyle's girlfriend. Batman had mentioned she was involved as well, mustn't forget her. Except for that fact that he already had for exactly the amount of time it took to sleep with her boyfriend. No, he amended, to have sex with him. Sleeping had come afterward.
The ache in his head had responded entirely too readily to the pain tablet he'd taken but while pain could clear a person's head, opioids weren't known for that same. As unaccustomed as he was to taking them, he'd started feeling drowsy almost before the throbbing had started to ease.
It hadn't left him in the best state to stand upright, much less to consider how a five minute encounter had just reduced his life into something out of a bad country song. Or a bad science fiction novel, he'd rather his life was something readable so people could take it on the bus.
Connor thought it might be better if he tried to sleep again. His thoughts had the consistency of a shredded newspaper pudding. A blue pudding, he decided. He was tired of the color green today.
It was nearly time for Mia to reappear in his doorway to discreetly, she believed, make sure he was still breathing. This time he'd give the communicator to her before he dropped it or worse, used it to tell Batman about his life as a book that was really a pudding in disguise. If Kyle did stop by again, they weren't going to be having much of a stimulating conversation.
What little conversation they'd had on his last visit had been stimulating enough.
Minutes or hours later, his dwindling time sense melting away like those clocks in a painting, he dimly felt someone take the communicator from his hand, the soft click as it was set on the bedside table. His dreams were murky and untouchable; a dark, blender-drink swirl of blurred thought that only gave him one clear image. It clung to him until morning, slipping in and retreating behind his eyes, bursting when he woke the next morning and fading.
The day before had been strange but Connor was accustomed to a little of that in his life. He stretched while still on his bed, shaking off the lingering grogginess from the meds before kneeling on his meditation mat laid out on the other side of the room.
He needed some time to search within himself, to consider all that he had done and what he had allowed to be done.
I need you.
A memory of the day before, of his dream, Kyle's eyes sharp green and lost and…beautiful, he'd said, Connor remembered. Called him beautiful. Another thing to consider.
Connor closed his eyes and relaxed, and wondered briefly if his friend was all right.
~~*~~
He didn't have a chance to find out until days later, late in the evening while he was surrounded by schoolbooks as he checked Mia's homework for her. Methodically, he ticked off each problem that was incorrect before handing it back to her, very careful not to smile at her groan. Two problems wrong and it was her third time doing them.
"How is it that you even *know* Algebra," Mia demanded, tossing a handful of papers at him. "You didn't even ride a short bus to school."
"All the knowledge in the world is in the books, not the building," he chided, straightening the pages. As far behind as she had been in her schoolwork after years on the streets, it was nothing short of amazing that she was doing as well as she was. That she didn't seem to know the meaning of the word discouraged was only another thing that made her so remarkable.
"Tell that to Ollie." She grudgingly picked up her pen and began again.
"I'd rather tell him how great you're doing in all this, he'd be really proud," Connor said, honestly. It was worth saying often, just to see the light in her eyes brighten, her determination strengthen.
The moment was interrupted by the phone ringing. Connor pushed his chair back from the table and answered it. Probably his dad; speaking of the devil did have a tendency to make him pop up.
"Hello?"
Silence.
"Hello?" Connor repeated warily. Still nothing, not even the sound of breathing. He wondered if he weren't getting a little paranoid if a simple wrong number or prank call gave his heart rate a bump upward.
He started to set the phone back on the receiver, the phone inches from his ear when someone finally spoke but he recognized it instantly.
"Connor."
He glanced at Mia. Her blonde head was bent over her homework, seemingly oblivious to the not-conversation happening behind her.
Seemingly.
Nothing for it. He brought the phone back to his ear. "Kyle?"
A long, slow breath. "Yeah. I…yeah."
There were words to be said here, Connor was sure of it. He'd known Kyle for years now, longer, in fact, than he had known his own father. They were friends.
They were friends.
"Kyle," he said again, a little helplessly. "Are you all right?" Banal, useless words. It was a question Connor was sure he already knew the answer to.
The faint, pained laughter told him he was correct. "All right? I…look, I need to see you, okay?"
Connor let out a breath he hadn't been aware of holding. "Okay. Do you need—" the address, he nearly said, bit his tongue on it. "I can be home tonight, if you want."
"No! I mean, no. Are you patrolling tonight?"
He glanced at Mia again. Her pen, conspicuously silent for the past minute scratched into motion. "No, I'm still recovering from…you know."
There was a loud, long exhale. "Yeah, of course you are, you've only been out of the hospital for a week. Stupid of me."
"No, it wasn't," he corrected without thinking and bit his tongue again. "There's a city park on the corner of Vine and State," he added hurriedly. "I can meet you there."
"Sure, that'd be fine. In about an hour?"
"I'll be there."
The line went dead without a goodbye and Connor hung up the phone. He leaned against the wall for a moment longer, pressed his forehead against the cool, cream-colored paint before moving back to sit at the table.
"Friend of yours?" Mia asked casually. She didn't look up from her paper until Connor was silent for far too long.
"Yes." Connor didn't elaborate and Mia's wrinkled nose and curious glances couldn't coax any more from him. He didn't add that he hoped they were still friends. An hour from now he'd know the answer to that and if it was about to change, he'd rather he was the only one who knew for now.
~~*~~
It was cool enough that Connor needed the jacket he'd thought to bring along. The sun was still up, barely, and people were moving in little groups and bunches along the pathways, joggers and bikers, laughing children.
Not all that long ago this park would have been a poor choice for a meeting spot after dusk. The reappearance of Green Arrow had changed that quickly and it was visible in the easy confidence they had at being here.
Connor leaned against a large, old oak and watched the children playing on their new playground equipment, thoughtfully donated by an anonymous benefactor. Anonymous to most of Star City, anyway.
Their parents sat on nearby benches or followed them, winding through the little clusters of youth to keep track of happy toddlers. He saw more than one wary glance in his direction and couldn't help a wince when he suddenly realized why and he decided it might be best if he moved. A sad commentary on the city when you couldn't watch children playing without people being afraid you were a pedophile.
It seemed that Green Arrow still had his work cut out for him. Both of them.
A glance at his watch confirmed that it wasn't just his nerves. He'd been waiting for nearly a half an hour for Kyle. There were a million and one reasons that he might be late, might not show up at all. Always a need for the Green Lanterns of the world and there might not be time to spare for a single personal issue. Never mind that Kyle wasn't like that, his friends were important to him and --
"Connor." It came quietly, from behind him. He turned around and Kyle was there, in jeans and his own jacket, his hands visibly clenched in the pockets. Of course he wouldn't be in his uniform and Connor wasn't surprised to see it, only his mind's eye always insisted on seeing Kyle in just that way, the first way he'd ever seen him. He wondered if other heroes thought of him like that, always in uniform. It was oddly comforting.
He wondered if Kyle would have preferred *him* to be in his uniform. He already looked three steps away from leaving without saying another word, his eyes a flickering trace of green as he looked around Connor at the trees, the benches, anything.
Connor caught himself reaching up to rub his forehead, forced his hand back down to his side. "Let's walk," he offered, breaking the silence before it overwhelmed them. Kyle startled visibly, finally looked at him.
It was a start.
"Are you sure?" Kyle's eyes flicked towards Connor's temple.
"I'm fine."
"Right, right, I'm sorry," Kyle sighed heavily, pushed a hand viciously through his hair. "Christ, I don't even know what to say. I keep thinking there should be something but it all sounds so stupid, I can't even say I'm sorry because I didn't mean to…to…but I am, I –"
"I take it you remember, then," Connor said when Kyle finally took a shaky breath.
Kyle looked away. "Yeah, I remember." A thin, painful smile. "That guy made sure I remembered."
Of course he would. They both knew how people like that worked; it wouldn't have cut if Kyle didn't remember it. Connor wondered if this would get worse before it could get better, stumbling conversations where Kyle could barely look at him. He knew Kyle hated things like this, hated looking stupid in front of anyone. Didn't like being on the spot without a ready answer handy, so used to faking perfect confidence that Kyle probably forgot it was fake until it left him lost.
A few days introspection had taught him he knew a lot of things about Kyle he hadn't realized he knew.
Connor kept quiet, watching his own tennis shoes pushing through the layers of dead leaves as they walked. It would be easy to fill in the silence and Kyle would certainly let him, probably gratefully. Listening came to Kyle effortlessly and more than once Connor had used that; laying his troubles out in front of Kyle made them easier to understand. It wasn't what he wanted. He wanted his friend to talk to him this time.
It was a shame that Kyle didn't seem willing. Connor did understand. This wasn't exactly in their normal range of problems, not in the least because said problems didn't usually include each other. Really not sex with each other. And yeah, sure, it was a big deal, Connor had a few issues of his own to deal with when it was all said and done but first they had to get to the said portion of it.
Perhaps some prodding was in order. "Kyle, usually a talk involves a little more…talking."
"I distinctly recall saying I needed to see you. I don't remember telling you talking would be involved."
The humor made him blink, eased some of the nervous tightness in his chest. Maybe this would be okay, yet.
"That's true," Connor said agreeably. "I was pretty sure the talking was inferred."
"Yeah." They'd made a full circle around the park, Kyle following him down each path as the dwindling people around them faded back to their homes. It was past dark now, streetlights flickering to life and casting their yellowish glow in little rings of safety that weren't quite as necessary as they'd been some weeks before.
"I'm sorry I haven't…" Kyle hesitated, made an awkward gesture. "I'm a little freaked out."
"I noticed." Connor tried a little smile, let it fade when it wasn't returned. "Look, it's all right." So he was giving in a little, trying to smooth things over. He wasn't used to Kyle looking at him like this, like he was something to be wary of. They'd barely known each other when Kyle had first taken off his mask and shown Connor his face, like he'd known they were destined to be friends. Connor believed in destiny but more than that, he wanted that friendship. Not because he didn't have so many that he couldn't afford to lose one, true as that was, but it was Kyle. He wasn't sure he knew how to not be friends with him.
"It's not all right," Kyle said, turning away, his voice low and broken. "You're my friend. I can't. You're convalescing after getting shot in the head and -- and I – I came out here, he *made* me come out here and just …forced…" Choked off.
"Is that what has you so upset?" Connor said, honestly surprised. He'd rather thought it was the whole sex-with-another-man-who-happens-to-be-a-good-friend that had Kyle so worked up. "You didn't force me. You didn't," he insisted at Kyle's pained expression. "Have a little more faith in me than that! I know you have the ring but you weren't using it. Head wound or not, I could have knocked you unconscious before you even tried to stop me."
"Then why didn't you?" Kyle's voice cracked a little, plaintive sound that ached in the air between them.
A good question that deserved an answer but it was one he'd been searching within himself for days. His own willingness had startled even him; he really hadn't even made an attempt to stop Kyle. A thousand reasons for it, perhaps. He hadn't known Kyle wasn't himself, he had been too shocked by his own arousal to question Kyle's, his head had been hurting and Kyle had been so –
"You said you needed me." Simply and Connor hadn't wanted to make this Kyle's fault. It wasn't his fault.
"Yeah," A low breath. "I remember that, too."
They had fallen out of step in the middle of a copse of trees, the leaves obscuring the skyline.
"I don’t really remember even coming to Star City," Kyle said, tipping his head back to look at the green canopy of leaves over them. "I just remember thinking that I'd never made time to see you in the hospital. I never tried."
Connor watched as Kyle twisted his hands together, the ring disappearing and reappearing in flashes of green against pale skin. "Just a couple of days before you got shot, I'd had all this power, you know? I could have done anything as Ion, I could have stopped it from even happening and I'd given it up. I was so angry, if I'd just waited a couple more days."
He turned to Connor, his eyes a wet gleam in the low light. "I knew I had to give that power back but every time I see something I could have stopped, I just get so…and now you have that scar. And I couldn't make myself see you, until he made me."
"You can't seriously be blaming yourself for me getting shot," Connor said disbelievingly. "Because I'd really have to just hurt you. We can't blame ourselves for every person we can't save, you know that."
"I know," Kyle nodded, his expression unchanging. "Not every person."
He reached out with dreamy slowness, an echo of before with his fingertips hovering cool over the side of Connor's head where the scar was and this time Connor closed his eyes and leaned into it, helplessly. He wanted Kyle to touch. It would prove to him, maybe, that it was healing, that he was going to be fine. Kyle's fingers skittering through the straw-pale stubble of his hair barely caused an ache before they were gone, Kyle yanking his hand away.
Connor opened his eyes and Kyle was looking at him with distant horror, actually taking a step backwards as if Connor could possibly hurt him when he was the one with the ring.
But then it had been proved before that the ring didn't always save him.
"I…I have to…to go," Kyle stammered out, "Jenn wanted to come but I told her…she knows, that Brainwave guy told her but she's cool with it, she...she's waiting. I should."
"All right," Connor said calmly. He crossed his arms over his chest, staving off the growing chill. "Stay in touch."
Kyle winced and Connor bit his lip but there was a smile quickly enough, feeble, but a still a smile. "I will. Later, man."
Connor nodded. "Later."
He watched Kyle walk away and waited. A flare of green light burst from the trees and upward, moving away from Star City. Away from him.
He'd said it was all right and he'd meant it. He would be all right and if some spoiled little part of him had become far too accustomed to knowing there was a piece of Kyle that was his, then he'd get over that too. This wasn't the first battle he'd lost in recent days and at least this wound wouldn't be lethal.
The deprivation would be good for his karma.
~~*~~
end part 1
Read Part 2
