keelywolfe (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
keelywolfe) wrote2010-09-23 08:16 pm
keelywolfe) wrote2010-09-23 08:16 pm
FIC: Eternal Sunshine of a Sparkless Mind (Human Series)
Title: Eternal Sunshine of a Sparkless Mind
Author: Keelywolfe
Fandom: Transformers
Rating: R
Pairing(s):Sam/Bumblebee, Sideswipe/Sunstreaker, Optimus/Ratchet
Summary: A continuation of the ‘human’ series, which are in order:
Forms of Life
Too Human
Experiments in Human Nature
Public Education
Knee-Jerk Reaction
Nervous System Hypothesis
Different Applications of Moral Support
This Body Electric
The Unconscious Mind
Subliminal Messages
Greeks Bearing Gifts
In a Dark Ruby Stain
Interruptions in the Key of C
Half to Rise, Half to Fall
Moments of Forgiveness
Topics of Conversation
Lies of Omission
The Theory of Existence
Beyond My Brave Facade
Parental Interaction In The Third Degree
Field Trips Into the Hypothetical
Arrested Developments of the Heart
Necessary Repairs
4x4
Prime and Punishment
Gravitational Drift
My Mechanical Romance
Also the AU Attention Getting Device
Notes: I just love punny titles. ;)
~~*~~
Not very long ago, in either human or Autobot terms, Sam had expressed regret that Bumblebee had had to spend hours alone in his car form. Parked in the Witwicky's garage, parked in the lot at the school, Bee had spent a greater portion of his time waiting for Sam.
He hadn't minded much at the time. As he told Sam, he'd kept himself occupied. It would probably amaze the humans to consider what one could do with nearly unlimited bandwidth and processor speed, at least as far as humans considered such things. Not that he wouldn't have happily spent all that time with Sam but he recognized that was unreasonable and besides, it had given him the time to discover the joys of World of Warcraft.
That didn't mean that he had ever thought he'd be walking back to the Main Administration building, looking back on those days with longing. How it was that he and Sam were, for all intents and purposes, living together and yet somehow managed to see each other less than they had before had to defy several laws of known physics.
Oh, he saw Sam frequently enough; he had to, it was currently a medical necessity and Bee would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy those encounters. Sex was sex, and sex with Sam was bliss, the culmination of a dream that Bee had barely acknowledged existed. He'd adapted to human-style sexual intercourse with almost embarrassing swiftness, considering his distaste of organic couplings before, and with Sam it was everything he hadn't dared to hope for.
But sex was still sex, and that he could get easily enough. Sunstreaker was certainly proof of that and Bumblebee had always been a little horrified at how easily Sunstreaker had charmed his way into the arms and beds of other species. Chances were he'd have added humans to his long list if Optimus hadn't expressly forbidden it, on the grounds that it wouldn't enhance their chances of staying on this world for long if the humans thought that the 'bots were roaming the countryside, seducing their people in the night. Bee had seen a movie with a similar theme and as he recalled, it hadn't ended well.
Just tonight he had gone to Sam at the proper time and oh, he loved Sam like that. Warm and sleepy and sweetly willing. He'd barely opened his eyes before he smiled at Bee and opened his arms. Maybe sex was just sex, but when he was with Sam, sex felt a lot like love. It was no wonder that humans called it making love.
But the moment Sam had fallen asleep again, still pink-cheeked and curled up in the sweat-damp sheets, Bee had had to leave and head back to the main administrative building to jack back into the mainframe. Back in the Witwicky's garage he had spent time scanning for Decepticons but it was nothing compared to what he could do when he was directly connected. He was the best Autobot on Earth for the job and he knew it.
That didn't stop his regret. It didn't stop him from pressing a gentle kiss to Sam's cheek before he left him, again, and knowing that it was for a very good reason could only soothe so much of his guilt. He was protecting Sam and really, the whole planet with his searches.
But that couldn't stop him from knowing that this was not what humans liked in a relationship because it honestly wasn't what Autobots liked either. Snatched bits of time together and sexual encounters did not a stable relationship make and perhaps if he'd been spending more time with Sam in the first place, he wouldn't have doubted their relationship so much that he endangered his own life. Add that in with the fact that their sexual encounters were a medical necessity and, well, Bumblebee could hardly blame Sam for his reaction. How could he possibly be angry at Sam for any of his reactions?
As it was, he was almost ridiculously relieved that Sam didn't blame them for what was happening to him. Even Ratchet's frequent reassurances that the Allspark's receptors weren't physically hurting Sam didn't change that they were there and that none of this would have happened if he hadn't bought a piece of crap Camaro. Their presence had caused this and even most mechs Bee knew wouldn't be inclined towards forgiveness for something so extreme.
Sam hadn't even considered that forgiveness might be needed, had begged Bumblebee for forgiveness for worrying him, and Bee had had to stop him, couldn't listen to that when he knew just how much they'd taken from Sam.
Perhaps things would be better once Sam's receptors were settled and able to draw energy from Sam. Not that Bumblebee minded assisting in that little detail but he couldn't help his uneasiness in that Sam was essentially being forced into sexual contact with him. That he wanted it and enjoyed it notwithstanding, if he had decided in that club that Bumblebee wasn't what he wanted, he still would have been left with few choices.
It worried Bee, constantly. Always, when he was scanning for any hint of Decepticon activity, one sector at a time in minute detail, there was a tiny section of his processors that just couldn't set Sam aside. He'd given up trying and just allowed it to quietly run in the background, replaying interactions with Sam, laughing conversations and teasing , and that was what Bee was missing. Sex he had but damned if he wasn't missing his friend. And now he was trudging his way through the city in his bipedal mode instead of racing there as a Camaro because it was easier for him to think this way, easier to focus on Sam.
Bee was so caught up in his thoughts that at first he didn't really hear it, the low grinding sound that passed for a 'bot's groan. The second low moan got more than his distracted notice and Bee paused, listening. It was less paranoia and more life experience that had him ready his weapons, snapping his mask down as he followed that quiet sound of pain. Between two buildings, hidden in the shadows, he saw another mech curled up, rocking slowly back and forth as he keened almost silently in pain. An infrared scan couldn't reveal color as the light spectrum did but Bee didn't need to see it to recognize this mech.
"Sideswipe?" Bee gasped, shoving back his battle mask as he dropped to his knees next to his friend. In reaction, Sideswipe flinched away from him, almost falling as he scrambled a few clumsy meters away, his optics narrowed to pinpoints of light in either fear or pain. He stopped as abruptly as he'd begun, optics widening in recognition.
"What happened?" Bee demanded, hands already sweeping over his friend as he checked for damage, ignoring his cringe, even as he scanned the area for danger. Sideswipe was one of their best warriors, second only to his brother, and he was heavily armored. If there was something here that had beaten him, it was highly unlikely that Bee would survive an encounter with it. Nothing came up on his scans, not a single unusual reading and Bee sent a quick, priority message to Ratchet, asking him to meet them here. He wasn't turning up any injury with touch or scans but that only meant that it was internal and that was far beyond Bee's capacity to heal.
Sideswipe hadn't spoken, only repeated that soft, wounded moan, half-leaning into Bumblebee's gentle touch and half- cringing into himself. This…this was not how Bee was accustomed to seeing his friend. He'd seen Sideswipe sitting with half his internals ripped to shreds, calming waiting for his turn to be treated when any other 'bot would have been snarling their pain to the stars.
"Sideswipe?" Bee asked softly, almost sagging in relief as Ratchet sent him a terse reply that he'd be there quickly. Wildly, Sideswipe turned towards him, optics flaring and narrowing in unmistakable panic. That was enough to make Bumblebee wary; a panicked 'bot wasn't always a logical one and Sideswipe was way out of Bee's league. A little angry tussling with Sunstreaker was one thing but in a deadly serious battle, either of the twins could kill Bumblebee with relative ease.
"I made a mistake," Sideswipe whispered frantically, oblivious to Bumblebee's sudden nervousness. "And he shut me out. I can't hear him, I can't feel him. He shut me out. He shut me out."
No need to ask who he was. Bee was way out of his range, here, and Sideswipe's pained keening was growing in in volume and any minute now they were going to attract the attention of the humans. With a silent apology in the direction of his sleeping lover, Bee abandoned propriety and offered a light wireless link to Sideswipe, wincing a little as he all but lurched into the connection, sending soothing his way. -panic/alone/fear/alone/alone/fear/alone- seared over him.
-Not alone-, Bee soothed. -Not alone, I'm right here-.
notalone?/ notalone/notalone/grateful/notalone/
-Not alone-, Bee repeated firmly, gently stroking whatever of Sideswipe he could reach. His own unease was fading in light of their link. Sideswipe seemed more like a terrified sparkling than a threat right now and he let his affection for his friend show, sending it through their light mental link.
-Not alone/not alone/safe- calmer now, relaxing into the gentleness of Bee's mental touch. -Bee?-
"It's me," Bee said aloud, trying to keep their connection as light as possible. It was disturbingly intimate to have Sideswipe's emotional state battering at his firewalls. "I'm here. What happened?"
"He shut me out," Sideswipe said miserably. "I was stupid, I thought…I hurt him and he shut me out."
Hurt Sunstreaker? Somehow, Bee had his doubts about that. "Why are you here? No, forget that. Why didn't you tell Ratchet he was shutting you out completely? Or Optimus?"
Laughter, just this side of hysterical and Sideswipe shuddered, their armor scraping lightly. "They'd just yell at him again. He always gets blamed. But it's my fault, mine, I was so stupid, Bee. "
Stupid to let Sunstreaker into his head again but Bee kept that thought very, very quiet, kept their link very light. It was strange enough as it was. He and Sideswipe were close friends but they hadn't often been this close. Only recently had they had any real intimate contact and that had all been in the name of training, helping a friend. Even knowing that many Autobots were very casual about intimacy didn't make Bumblebee feel much better about it. He and Sam had only just started making light connections and that had been a wonder in and of itself, one he'd never expected to be able to experience with a human lover.
"You need to go recharge," Bee said, pushing aside his own discomfort. Sideswipe was a very good friend and he knew what Sam had done with him, hadn't even needed to forgive them for it, but he still knew.
"No!" Sideswipe shook his head frantically. "No, I don't want to be alone, I don't." Then, incongruously, "I'm on punishment detail, I'm not supposed to recharge yet—"
"I'll talk to Optimus," Bee hushed him and Sideswipe keened softly, pushing into Bee's gently stroking hands. The similarity made a memory surface in his processors, of the three of them in Sam's bed, Sam touching Bee, following Sideswipe's murmured instructions. There had been ghostly echo through Sideswipe's link to him of pleasure that had to be shared in order for Sideswipe to assist them, but Sideswipe had never taken advantage of it, had sought relief with his brother instead.
Bee drew air into his vents and slowly let it out, barely believing that he was going to offer this but Sunstreaker would never have gotten to Sideswipe if he hadn't tried to help him and Sam. And he didn't think Sam would mind. Jealousy felt petty in the sight of Sideswipe's all-too-real pain. "Maybe when you're off punishment detail, you can come visit me and Sam."
The offer in it was implicit. To his surprise and quiet relief, Sideswipe only chuckled, weakly, but it was a rational sound. "Thank you, but no. I don't think that'll get me back on his good side."
"He doesn't have a good side," Bee said angrily. Sunstreaker may have saved his life, had certainly saved Sam's but that didn't make Bumblebee like him.
"If that were true, you'd be dead." Softly.
It was clear that there was no talking any sense into Sideswipe when he was like this.
Bumblebee was saved from having to come up to a reply to that when Ratchet pulled up, faster than Bee had expected which meant he hadn't been recharging when Bee sent the message. Come to think of it, Ratchet had probably been shorting himself on rest for a little while now. He'd been keeping himself holed up in the infirmary with a dozen different projects before the virus incident and Bee doubted he'd gotten much recharge during or after. Add in Sam and Mikaela's late night excursion and now he was overseeing Sam's punishment...
Ratchet would be the first to bitch and moan at any of them over their physical condition and he'd do it until the return of Primus, but he did have a bad tendency to forget that he was a mortal himself.
With a quick moment to transform, Ratchet was leaning over Sideswipe, his large hands gentle as he lightly touched and probed, the soft glare of scanners from his fingertips. Sideswipe quivered in response, curling tighter into himself.
--You found him like this?— Ratchet asked Bee.
--Kind of. He was…-- It was easier just to send Ratchet a video, Sideswipe moaning low and rocking.
"Sideswipe?" Ratchet asked softly. A violent shiver wracked Sideswipe. "Sides? It's all right."
"No," Sideswipe shook his head frantically. "No, I don't want you, you'll yell at him. No, go away, I don't want you, I want Bee—"
Ratchet made a soft hushing sound, "I'm not yelling at anyone."
"Don't yell at him," Sideswipe didn't seem to have heard. "Please. It was my fault, I was stupid, I was cruel. I didn't mean to be, I didn't, but he won't listen. Please."
He rambled on, whimpering and shaking while Ratchet ran a soothing hand down his arm, catching his hand. "Come on, you'll feel better after some recharge. Bee, give me a hand, here. He's a little big for me to drag around like a teddy bear."
Gently, Bumblebee helped pull Sideswipe to his feet, draping his arm over Bee's shoulder as Ratchet did the same. The discrepancies in their height made it awkward but between the two of them, they managed to get Sideswipe to the infirmary, Bee keeping up a constant murmur of reassurance through their light link. He knew the moment Ratchet noticed it, caught the medics sharp look but ignored it. If Sideswipe could engage in intimacy with him and Sam for training purposes, then surely this would fall under a medically necessary interface.
Once they had him settled on one of the exam tables, Bee stepped back and let Ratchet do his thing, watched as Sideswipe relaxed abruptly and their link cut out with a squawk of mental static. Medically induced recharge, Bee realized and winced.
"Is he all right?" Bee asked, a little uncertainly. Sideswipe had a few issues, who didn't, and his main issue was bright yellow and a pain in the ass but still, he'd always been one of the most stable 'bots that Bee knew. He'd known Sideswipe almost since his spark giving and seeing him lying on the table, unconscious and internally frail, was unnerving.
Ratchet's demeanor wasn't helping much, either. He had a long-standing reputation of being from the sadist's school of medicine and he usually only softened when someone was really hurt. That he'd helped Sideswipe back here instead of telling him to get his ass up and straighten his back struts was definitely a glimpse at his softer side.
"He'll be fine," Ratchet said brusquely, but his hands were still gentle as he ran scans. "He just needs a good recharge and a long diagnostic scan to settle his parameters."
"He said Sunstreaker was locking him out," Bee offered, hesitantly.
"I noticed. That's an interesting change," Ratchet was still touching Sideswipe, lightly stroking his arm, not even scanning anymore and that was so unusual Bee was close to asking if he was all right. If Sunstreaker was acting out of character then Ratchet was acting positively weird. It wasn't as if Sideswipe could even feel the touch while he was, for all intents and purposes, unconscious.
Then again, maybe this was the way Ratchet always acted around unconscious mechs. Stranger things had happened.
"He'll be fine," Ratchet repeated. "he just needs a chance to get used to the silence in his head again. A spark twin won't die without their other half but he won't be in for a pleasant time of it. It's similar to getting over a stimulant addiction."
Bumblebee winced. Not that he knew what that felt like himself but he'd seen a few 'bots before who'd become addicted to overclocking their processors. If that was what Sideswipe was going through, it only made his dislike of Sunstreaker go up yet another notch. Primus, there were Decepticons that Bee liked better than Sunstreaker—and there was a good question in that.
"Why isn't Sunstreaker falling over?" Bee asked. He knew he was lingering but Sideswipe was his friend and for a brief moment, Bee had been tempted to offer something more.
Sam had had something more, just a little more, but to a human, sexual encounters often had an emotional level, a deeper implied intimacy than Autobots considered of simi relationships…
That earned him a loud snort. "Sunstreaker is used to his spark being in less than optimal condition. Besides, if he was a little more grumpy than usual, who would notice?"
"Point taken," Bee conceded. Suddenly, he felt very tired, even though he'd had a decent amount of recharge. "This is all his fault," Bee snapped, not bothering to qualify who he was. "How can he treat Sideswipe like this?"
"You have no idea what happened," Ratchet pointed out. His attention was still on Sideswipe, running another scan and frowning at the results. "Sideswipe made the choice to allow Sunstreaker back into his processors. It's not like Sunstreaker forced him."
"You don't know that."
Ratchet stilled then turned to look at Bee, pointing a finger at him. "Bumblebee, you had better consider exactly what it is that you are saying."
"I am!" Bee retorted "Sideswipe hasn't been with Sunstreaker like that in ages! He was over it! And now they are suddenly back together with no good reason."
"I believe you and I know exactly the reason they are back together," Ratchet said heavily and with every bit of self-blame that Bee would have expected. His own guilt was a sharp presence in his processor, unpleasant and strong.
"Even if that's true, Sunstreaker took advantage of the situation and now he's deliberating shutting Sideswipe out to hurt him!"
"And yet, unless Sideswipe files a formal protest, the circumstances don't matter a bit," Ratchet said calmly. He turned back to Sideswipe, whose usually brilliant red armor looked dull, as though he hadn't been taking proper care of himself. Ratchet seemed to notice the same thing and he picked up a polishing cloth, gently buffing at the scuffs. "He hasn't, which implies that it was his choice to get involved with his brother again."
"I refuse to believe he chose something like that." A 'bot would have to be crazy to choose a relationship like that when there were plenty of other partners to choose from. Spark bonded or not, Sideswipe had other options. Sunstreaker had to have forced him, somehow, a threat or a goad. There had to be a reason.
"By the sake of Primus, Bumblebee, not all of us get to drive off into the sunset with our perfect mate," Ratchet said flashing him an exasperated look over his shoulder.
"Yeah? Is that why you've been staying over at Optimus's quarters?" Bee snapped and regretted it instantly. By Primus, that was cruel, everyone knew how badly Ratchet missed Wheeljack and his relationship with Optimus, though it had been one of the most fiercely gossiped about topics since it had begun, was one least likely to be mentioned to Ratchet. Unless he brought it up first, a 'bot did not mention it to Ratchet, or they might wake up from their next surgery with their head on backwards.
Ratchet went very still. "Get out."
"Ratchet—"
"I said, get out, soldier." Deadly quiet.
That was an order, no question, and Bumblebee slumped out, unspoken words of apology frozen in his voice modulator. Damn and blast it all, this day was not working out according to his schedule. So far he had had to abandon Sam to sleep alone and had two friends who were deeply hurt by his own actions. For the first time in eons, Bumblebee gave in to the reckless urge to ignore his duty schedule. Scanning for Decepticon activity could wait a little while. In the mood he was in, there was a chance he might miss something anyway, his current level of self-loathing did not make for good focus.
For a moment, he considered going back to Sam and that was tempting, curling up against his warm, sleepy form, but no, in the mood he was in if they connected in the slightest bit Sam would get the full effect of his anger and that was the last thing Bee wanted to share.
Instead, he sent a quick message to Ironhide instead and was gratified at the quick reply. He could use the target practice and there were a few practice drones that were going to be fit for the scrap yard when he was done.
~~*~~
The humans who visited Autobot City were always terribly impressed with it. The towers gleamed in the full sunlight, silvery spires topped with satellite dishes and various scanning equipment and from a distance, it did look like a bustling city. Humans and Autobots alike, working together as they built a new home for the disenfranchised.
What the humans didn't know was that the spires were relatively empty, a cheap, shiny metal casing that held only their shield array and surveillance equipment. None of them were sturdy enough to house more than the lightest of the Autobots and their true housing would have been dismal shacks on Cybertron, little more than shelter from the elements. For all the glitter and wax they'd thrown over the supposed city, it was hardly more than a prison camp, only they were allowing the humans to keep them here, bowing down to little the bleeders as submissively as pets.
To Sunstreaker, it was a pathetic attempt to rebuild a lost civilization, a destroyed home that none of them had seen in a millennia. Let other 'bots wax poetically about their new home. Sunstreaker was ever a realist and if this was a sign of the humans respect, this cluster of hovels set together in the unwanted wastelands of this world, then he thought they should already be heading off-world and let the bleeders fight off the ragged leftover Decepticons on their own. Let them live up to Sunstreaker's nickname for them and bleed for their world instead of expecting their prisoners to do it for them.
It was an opinion he kept to himself. There were few Autobots who cared to speak with him and none at all on this world, save his brother, to whom Sunstreaker cared to listen. He had once commented that the only reason he'd joined the Autobots was that their color scheme was better. His comrades in arms had chuckled, with him for once, but he suspected if they had realized he had been serious, they may have been less amused.
So instead he sat by himself, waiting with patience that would probably astonish many, but not Sideswipe, never Sideswipe, until the smaller yellow 'bot left the infirmary, his head down in visible shame.
Pathetic. Sunstreaker very firmly believed a 'bot should own his words and Bumblebee had said nothing that wasn't true.
But that didn't mean Sunstreaker was above probing the wound. Softly, he said aloud, "That wasn't very nice of you, Little Bee. I thought you liked Ratchet."
Bee stiffened, shoulders going tight and to Sunstreaker's dark amusement, he heard the sharp whine of a fan turning on as Bee struggled with his temper. He managed to keep it this time, striding away far quicker than he'd left the infirmary and Sunstreaker kept his mouth shut until he turned a corner, vanishing from sight although his scanners tracked the scout a little longer.
"That's right, run back to your little pet," Sunstreaker murmured, pushing up to his feet with a groan of protesting hydraulics. He'd been sitting in the same position for some time. Colder, and to no one at all, Sunstreaker added. "And stay away from mine."
When he pushed opened the infirmary door, and hadn't he been here long enough after that damned virus, Ratchet didn't even look up. "You're one to talk about being nice."
Sunstreaker raised his hands defensively, pure innocence in his voice. "I've been nothing but nice all week. Ask Ironhide."
"I'd rather ask Sideswipe, but I can't at the moment, now can I." Ratchet could always be counted on for his acerbic nature and Sunstreaker took a great deal of delight in hearing it, particularly when delivered in that rich voice. Leaning against one of the exam tables, Sunstreaker took a moment to appreciate the elegant lines of Ratchet's form.
Sideswipe was gorgeous and why wouldn't he be? He and Sunstreaker were twins, and he refused to settle for anything less than stunning. But Ratchet was undeniably attractive and if he hadn't been bonded to Sideswipe, (and if Ratchet hadn't been in the process of getting himself welded to Optimus) he'd certainly be tempted. Their age difference didn't bother Sunstreaker in the slightest; age and wisdom came hand in hand and in his experience, older 'bots could come a lot. He'd bet that Ratchet was very pretty in overload and it was no wonder Optimus was keeping him busy in that regard.
Just a little flirtation could still be fun and it was tempting, so tempting, but…Mmm, no. It had been a very long time since he'd done anything with a 'bot other than Sideswipe and as amusing as the outcome would surely be, Sunstreaker had really had enough of being on Optimus's shit list for a little while.
Instead, he turned his attention to his brother, scowling at his darkened optics and still form. "How is he?"
"You'd know better than me," Ratchet retorted crossly, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Not right now, I wouldn't."
"Mm, yes, that's the problem."
Sunstreaker snorted air through his vents. "No, it isn't. He's only on the fritz because instead of recharging he's been hammering me with messages that I won't open. I don't want to talk to him right now."
"And why is that?"
Sunstreaker gave him a thin smile. "It's personal, doctor."
"Your personal problems become my problem when this happens." Ratchet gestured fiercely at Sideswipe's still form. "And it becomes Optimus's problem when one of his soldiers is out of commission. If we were attacked right now we'd be down one of our most formidable combatants and because of what? A little lover's spat?"
You would know about Optimus's problems, now wouldn't you. But Sunstreaker kept that thought to himself. It was one thing to be on Optimus's bad side; Ratchet was an entirely different game and not one that was healthy to play. Better that he stay on the side of merely irritated.
"He'll be fine after a recharge and we both know it," Sunstreaker said instead. Almost hesitantly, he reached out and stroked a hand down his brother's arm and he couldn't say why he felt hesitant, any more than he could explain why he'd allowed his brother a direct interface rather than settling for a simi-style coupling. He didn't want Sideswipe in his head, it
Hurt, I can't be what you want, I can't, please don't leave me, please, please
--was pathetic, seeing his brother's simpering thoughts so closely.
"Is he in a medical recharge?" Sunstreaker asked, softly. So still, optics shuttered and dark and for one dark, crazed moment Sunstreaker thought that Ratchet had lied to him, that his brother was dead, cold and sparkless, and Ratchet was a strong 'bot, no question, strong and heavily armored but he was nowhere near Sunstreaker's equal in a fight. It would take him less than a nanoclick to sever his lying head from his shoulders and lay it dripping at Optimus's feet—
With a jolt, Sunstreaker reeled back, staggered by his own processor. Sideswipe was alive, of course he was, he could feel it in his spark. He closed his optics for a moment and gathered himself, reopened them to see Ratchet's concerned face near to his own.
"Yes. Three hours," Ratchet said finally, and Sunstreaker belatedly remembered he'd asked a question. The medic was still eyeing him with no small amount of worry and that was no real surprise to anyone who paid any attention. That sharp acerbic nature was as brilliant a show as a supernova and Ratchet's very real concern only added to his attractiveness, shaped the lines of his face into something exotic and lovely---
Sunstreaker snorted and shook his head, elbowing Ratchet aside a little rudely as he stepped back to his brother. Dreams of seduction and murder all in a few minutes, my, he was in a mood today. Severing himself from Sideswipe's spark was affecting him more than he had first thought.
Touching his brother was soothing his frayed nerves, stroking his fingers along the smooth lines of Sideswipe's armor. His brother, always lovely, always vulnerable, his nature as sweet as high-grade energon and Sunstreaker was always darkly amused at the contrast to his own toxic nature.
I know what I am, brother. I know.
"I'll sit with him for a little while," Sunstreaker told Ratchet quietly, his optics on his brother. "That should help."
Unspoken was that it would certainly help him, too. Sideswipe was annoying honorable but he was also very calming, a gentle balm to Sunstreaker's spark.
"Hnnn," Ratchet grumbled. "Fine. He didn't seem particularly happy to see me the first time. I don't supposed you would be much worse." He started towards the door before he added, "I'm going to get a few hours of recharge myself and before you two think about killing each other when he wakes up, I monitor everything in here and I am right around the corner. Mess up my infirmary and you'll wish for death."
"And how is Optimus?" Sunstreaker said with saccharine sweetness. "I haven't seen him since my dressing down earlier this week."
"Your well-deserved dressing down. I saw what you did to that sensor array." But Sunstreaker didn't think he'd imagined Ratchet's sudden stiffness, nor his evasion of the question. Interesting.
"Yes, yes," Sunstreaker waved a dismissive hand. "I would have been here sooner but I was just finishing with it when I felt him arc out. It would be Bumblebee who found him."
Ratchet leaned against the doorframe and shook his head. "I can't fathom what you have against him. You were all sparked very close together."
It didn't escape Sunstreaker's notice that Ratchet didn't question what Bumblebee had against him. "What does it matter? I have one brother, I don't need him."
"You mean Sideswipe has a brother and you don't want him to have another." Shrewdly.
"Yes. I do." Sunstreaker expected Ratchet to leave them and when the sound of heavy footsteps failed to register, he looked back at the medic, optics narrowed. Surely he wasn't having second thoughts about leaving?
But Ratchet only met his gaze steadily. "After I get some recharge, I want you to come to the infirmary for a full scan."
"What?" Sunstreaker stepped back, shocked. "No!"
"That was not a request. I've seen Sam and Bumblebee several times to verify that the virus did no permanent damage."
"I can do my own-"
"Or I can just do it now," Ratchet interrupted smoothly. "Your choice."
He would, too, and Sunstreaker could fight Ratchet off if he wanted to kill him but a medical scan that was under orders? A little flabbergasted, Sunstreaker blurted out, "I've been fine all week, I told you, why would you want to waste time on a deep scan?"
"Because I could count on one hand the times we've had a decent conversation, even if I had lost three fingers."
"So because I am feeling chatty today you think I might be crazy?"
"You were already crazy. Your chattiness is making me afraid that you're sane," Ratchet said bluntly, his voice mod as dry as the desert that surrounded them.
Sunstreaker gaped at him and then suddenly laughed. "All right. Do your scan. Later."
"Later," Ratchet agreed warily. They stared at each other a moment longer, silent challenge in the air between them but in the end, Sunstreaker looked away, down to the still, oh, so still form of his brother. He heard the door open and before it could swing shut, he called out, softly.
"Tell Optimus I said hello."
No response. Chuckling softly, Sunstreaker settled down next to his brother, stroking his arm, his chest, his touches light and gentle as he waited in the overwhelming silence for Sideswipe, his brother, his lover, the holder of half his spark, to wake up.
-finis-
Read Next Chapter
Author: Keelywolfe
Fandom: Transformers
Rating: R
Pairing(s):Sam/Bumblebee, Sideswipe/Sunstreaker, Optimus/Ratchet
Summary: A continuation of the ‘human’ series, which are in order:
Forms of Life
Too Human
Experiments in Human Nature
Public Education
Knee-Jerk Reaction
Nervous System Hypothesis
Different Applications of Moral Support
This Body Electric
The Unconscious Mind
Subliminal Messages
Greeks Bearing Gifts
In a Dark Ruby Stain
Interruptions in the Key of C
Half to Rise, Half to Fall
Moments of Forgiveness
Topics of Conversation
Lies of Omission
The Theory of Existence
Beyond My Brave Facade
Parental Interaction In The Third Degree
Field Trips Into the Hypothetical
Arrested Developments of the Heart
Necessary Repairs
4x4
Prime and Punishment
Gravitational Drift
My Mechanical Romance
Also the AU Attention Getting Device
Notes: I just love punny titles. ;)
~~*~~
Not very long ago, in either human or Autobot terms, Sam had expressed regret that Bumblebee had had to spend hours alone in his car form. Parked in the Witwicky's garage, parked in the lot at the school, Bee had spent a greater portion of his time waiting for Sam.
He hadn't minded much at the time. As he told Sam, he'd kept himself occupied. It would probably amaze the humans to consider what one could do with nearly unlimited bandwidth and processor speed, at least as far as humans considered such things. Not that he wouldn't have happily spent all that time with Sam but he recognized that was unreasonable and besides, it had given him the time to discover the joys of World of Warcraft.
That didn't mean that he had ever thought he'd be walking back to the Main Administration building, looking back on those days with longing. How it was that he and Sam were, for all intents and purposes, living together and yet somehow managed to see each other less than they had before had to defy several laws of known physics.
Oh, he saw Sam frequently enough; he had to, it was currently a medical necessity and Bee would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy those encounters. Sex was sex, and sex with Sam was bliss, the culmination of a dream that Bee had barely acknowledged existed. He'd adapted to human-style sexual intercourse with almost embarrassing swiftness, considering his distaste of organic couplings before, and with Sam it was everything he hadn't dared to hope for.
But sex was still sex, and that he could get easily enough. Sunstreaker was certainly proof of that and Bumblebee had always been a little horrified at how easily Sunstreaker had charmed his way into the arms and beds of other species. Chances were he'd have added humans to his long list if Optimus hadn't expressly forbidden it, on the grounds that it wouldn't enhance their chances of staying on this world for long if the humans thought that the 'bots were roaming the countryside, seducing their people in the night. Bee had seen a movie with a similar theme and as he recalled, it hadn't ended well.
Just tonight he had gone to Sam at the proper time and oh, he loved Sam like that. Warm and sleepy and sweetly willing. He'd barely opened his eyes before he smiled at Bee and opened his arms. Maybe sex was just sex, but when he was with Sam, sex felt a lot like love. It was no wonder that humans called it making love.
But the moment Sam had fallen asleep again, still pink-cheeked and curled up in the sweat-damp sheets, Bee had had to leave and head back to the main administrative building to jack back into the mainframe. Back in the Witwicky's garage he had spent time scanning for Decepticons but it was nothing compared to what he could do when he was directly connected. He was the best Autobot on Earth for the job and he knew it.
That didn't stop his regret. It didn't stop him from pressing a gentle kiss to Sam's cheek before he left him, again, and knowing that it was for a very good reason could only soothe so much of his guilt. He was protecting Sam and really, the whole planet with his searches.
But that couldn't stop him from knowing that this was not what humans liked in a relationship because it honestly wasn't what Autobots liked either. Snatched bits of time together and sexual encounters did not a stable relationship make and perhaps if he'd been spending more time with Sam in the first place, he wouldn't have doubted their relationship so much that he endangered his own life. Add that in with the fact that their sexual encounters were a medical necessity and, well, Bumblebee could hardly blame Sam for his reaction. How could he possibly be angry at Sam for any of his reactions?
As it was, he was almost ridiculously relieved that Sam didn't blame them for what was happening to him. Even Ratchet's frequent reassurances that the Allspark's receptors weren't physically hurting Sam didn't change that they were there and that none of this would have happened if he hadn't bought a piece of crap Camaro. Their presence had caused this and even most mechs Bee knew wouldn't be inclined towards forgiveness for something so extreme.
Sam hadn't even considered that forgiveness might be needed, had begged Bumblebee for forgiveness for worrying him, and Bee had had to stop him, couldn't listen to that when he knew just how much they'd taken from Sam.
Perhaps things would be better once Sam's receptors were settled and able to draw energy from Sam. Not that Bumblebee minded assisting in that little detail but he couldn't help his uneasiness in that Sam was essentially being forced into sexual contact with him. That he wanted it and enjoyed it notwithstanding, if he had decided in that club that Bumblebee wasn't what he wanted, he still would have been left with few choices.
It worried Bee, constantly. Always, when he was scanning for any hint of Decepticon activity, one sector at a time in minute detail, there was a tiny section of his processors that just couldn't set Sam aside. He'd given up trying and just allowed it to quietly run in the background, replaying interactions with Sam, laughing conversations and teasing , and that was what Bee was missing. Sex he had but damned if he wasn't missing his friend. And now he was trudging his way through the city in his bipedal mode instead of racing there as a Camaro because it was easier for him to think this way, easier to focus on Sam.
Bee was so caught up in his thoughts that at first he didn't really hear it, the low grinding sound that passed for a 'bot's groan. The second low moan got more than his distracted notice and Bee paused, listening. It was less paranoia and more life experience that had him ready his weapons, snapping his mask down as he followed that quiet sound of pain. Between two buildings, hidden in the shadows, he saw another mech curled up, rocking slowly back and forth as he keened almost silently in pain. An infrared scan couldn't reveal color as the light spectrum did but Bee didn't need to see it to recognize this mech.
"Sideswipe?" Bee gasped, shoving back his battle mask as he dropped to his knees next to his friend. In reaction, Sideswipe flinched away from him, almost falling as he scrambled a few clumsy meters away, his optics narrowed to pinpoints of light in either fear or pain. He stopped as abruptly as he'd begun, optics widening in recognition.
"What happened?" Bee demanded, hands already sweeping over his friend as he checked for damage, ignoring his cringe, even as he scanned the area for danger. Sideswipe was one of their best warriors, second only to his brother, and he was heavily armored. If there was something here that had beaten him, it was highly unlikely that Bee would survive an encounter with it. Nothing came up on his scans, not a single unusual reading and Bee sent a quick, priority message to Ratchet, asking him to meet them here. He wasn't turning up any injury with touch or scans but that only meant that it was internal and that was far beyond Bee's capacity to heal.
Sideswipe hadn't spoken, only repeated that soft, wounded moan, half-leaning into Bumblebee's gentle touch and half- cringing into himself. This…this was not how Bee was accustomed to seeing his friend. He'd seen Sideswipe sitting with half his internals ripped to shreds, calming waiting for his turn to be treated when any other 'bot would have been snarling their pain to the stars.
"Sideswipe?" Bee asked softly, almost sagging in relief as Ratchet sent him a terse reply that he'd be there quickly. Wildly, Sideswipe turned towards him, optics flaring and narrowing in unmistakable panic. That was enough to make Bumblebee wary; a panicked 'bot wasn't always a logical one and Sideswipe was way out of Bee's league. A little angry tussling with Sunstreaker was one thing but in a deadly serious battle, either of the twins could kill Bumblebee with relative ease.
"I made a mistake," Sideswipe whispered frantically, oblivious to Bumblebee's sudden nervousness. "And he shut me out. I can't hear him, I can't feel him. He shut me out. He shut me out."
No need to ask who he was. Bee was way out of his range, here, and Sideswipe's pained keening was growing in in volume and any minute now they were going to attract the attention of the humans. With a silent apology in the direction of his sleeping lover, Bee abandoned propriety and offered a light wireless link to Sideswipe, wincing a little as he all but lurched into the connection, sending soothing his way. -panic/alone/fear/alone/alone/fear/alone- seared over him.
-Not alone-, Bee soothed. -Not alone, I'm right here-.
notalone?/ notalone/notalone/grateful/notalone/
-Not alone-, Bee repeated firmly, gently stroking whatever of Sideswipe he could reach. His own unease was fading in light of their link. Sideswipe seemed more like a terrified sparkling than a threat right now and he let his affection for his friend show, sending it through their light mental link.
-Not alone/not alone/safe- calmer now, relaxing into the gentleness of Bee's mental touch. -Bee?-
"It's me," Bee said aloud, trying to keep their connection as light as possible. It was disturbingly intimate to have Sideswipe's emotional state battering at his firewalls. "I'm here. What happened?"
"He shut me out," Sideswipe said miserably. "I was stupid, I thought…I hurt him and he shut me out."
Hurt Sunstreaker? Somehow, Bee had his doubts about that. "Why are you here? No, forget that. Why didn't you tell Ratchet he was shutting you out completely? Or Optimus?"
Laughter, just this side of hysterical and Sideswipe shuddered, their armor scraping lightly. "They'd just yell at him again. He always gets blamed. But it's my fault, mine, I was so stupid, Bee. "
Stupid to let Sunstreaker into his head again but Bee kept that thought very, very quiet, kept their link very light. It was strange enough as it was. He and Sideswipe were close friends but they hadn't often been this close. Only recently had they had any real intimate contact and that had all been in the name of training, helping a friend. Even knowing that many Autobots were very casual about intimacy didn't make Bumblebee feel much better about it. He and Sam had only just started making light connections and that had been a wonder in and of itself, one he'd never expected to be able to experience with a human lover.
"You need to go recharge," Bee said, pushing aside his own discomfort. Sideswipe was a very good friend and he knew what Sam had done with him, hadn't even needed to forgive them for it, but he still knew.
"No!" Sideswipe shook his head frantically. "No, I don't want to be alone, I don't." Then, incongruously, "I'm on punishment detail, I'm not supposed to recharge yet—"
"I'll talk to Optimus," Bee hushed him and Sideswipe keened softly, pushing into Bee's gently stroking hands. The similarity made a memory surface in his processors, of the three of them in Sam's bed, Sam touching Bee, following Sideswipe's murmured instructions. There had been ghostly echo through Sideswipe's link to him of pleasure that had to be shared in order for Sideswipe to assist them, but Sideswipe had never taken advantage of it, had sought relief with his brother instead.
Bee drew air into his vents and slowly let it out, barely believing that he was going to offer this but Sunstreaker would never have gotten to Sideswipe if he hadn't tried to help him and Sam. And he didn't think Sam would mind. Jealousy felt petty in the sight of Sideswipe's all-too-real pain. "Maybe when you're off punishment detail, you can come visit me and Sam."
The offer in it was implicit. To his surprise and quiet relief, Sideswipe only chuckled, weakly, but it was a rational sound. "Thank you, but no. I don't think that'll get me back on his good side."
"He doesn't have a good side," Bee said angrily. Sunstreaker may have saved his life, had certainly saved Sam's but that didn't make Bumblebee like him.
"If that were true, you'd be dead." Softly.
It was clear that there was no talking any sense into Sideswipe when he was like this.
Bumblebee was saved from having to come up to a reply to that when Ratchet pulled up, faster than Bee had expected which meant he hadn't been recharging when Bee sent the message. Come to think of it, Ratchet had probably been shorting himself on rest for a little while now. He'd been keeping himself holed up in the infirmary with a dozen different projects before the virus incident and Bee doubted he'd gotten much recharge during or after. Add in Sam and Mikaela's late night excursion and now he was overseeing Sam's punishment...
Ratchet would be the first to bitch and moan at any of them over their physical condition and he'd do it until the return of Primus, but he did have a bad tendency to forget that he was a mortal himself.
With a quick moment to transform, Ratchet was leaning over Sideswipe, his large hands gentle as he lightly touched and probed, the soft glare of scanners from his fingertips. Sideswipe quivered in response, curling tighter into himself.
--You found him like this?— Ratchet asked Bee.
--Kind of. He was…-- It was easier just to send Ratchet a video, Sideswipe moaning low and rocking.
"Sideswipe?" Ratchet asked softly. A violent shiver wracked Sideswipe. "Sides? It's all right."
"No," Sideswipe shook his head frantically. "No, I don't want you, you'll yell at him. No, go away, I don't want you, I want Bee—"
Ratchet made a soft hushing sound, "I'm not yelling at anyone."
"Don't yell at him," Sideswipe didn't seem to have heard. "Please. It was my fault, I was stupid, I was cruel. I didn't mean to be, I didn't, but he won't listen. Please."
He rambled on, whimpering and shaking while Ratchet ran a soothing hand down his arm, catching his hand. "Come on, you'll feel better after some recharge. Bee, give me a hand, here. He's a little big for me to drag around like a teddy bear."
Gently, Bumblebee helped pull Sideswipe to his feet, draping his arm over Bee's shoulder as Ratchet did the same. The discrepancies in their height made it awkward but between the two of them, they managed to get Sideswipe to the infirmary, Bee keeping up a constant murmur of reassurance through their light link. He knew the moment Ratchet noticed it, caught the medics sharp look but ignored it. If Sideswipe could engage in intimacy with him and Sam for training purposes, then surely this would fall under a medically necessary interface.
Once they had him settled on one of the exam tables, Bee stepped back and let Ratchet do his thing, watched as Sideswipe relaxed abruptly and their link cut out with a squawk of mental static. Medically induced recharge, Bee realized and winced.
"Is he all right?" Bee asked, a little uncertainly. Sideswipe had a few issues, who didn't, and his main issue was bright yellow and a pain in the ass but still, he'd always been one of the most stable 'bots that Bee knew. He'd known Sideswipe almost since his spark giving and seeing him lying on the table, unconscious and internally frail, was unnerving.
Ratchet's demeanor wasn't helping much, either. He had a long-standing reputation of being from the sadist's school of medicine and he usually only softened when someone was really hurt. That he'd helped Sideswipe back here instead of telling him to get his ass up and straighten his back struts was definitely a glimpse at his softer side.
"He'll be fine," Ratchet said brusquely, but his hands were still gentle as he ran scans. "He just needs a good recharge and a long diagnostic scan to settle his parameters."
"He said Sunstreaker was locking him out," Bee offered, hesitantly.
"I noticed. That's an interesting change," Ratchet was still touching Sideswipe, lightly stroking his arm, not even scanning anymore and that was so unusual Bee was close to asking if he was all right. If Sunstreaker was acting out of character then Ratchet was acting positively weird. It wasn't as if Sideswipe could even feel the touch while he was, for all intents and purposes, unconscious.
Then again, maybe this was the way Ratchet always acted around unconscious mechs. Stranger things had happened.
"He'll be fine," Ratchet repeated. "he just needs a chance to get used to the silence in his head again. A spark twin won't die without their other half but he won't be in for a pleasant time of it. It's similar to getting over a stimulant addiction."
Bumblebee winced. Not that he knew what that felt like himself but he'd seen a few 'bots before who'd become addicted to overclocking their processors. If that was what Sideswipe was going through, it only made his dislike of Sunstreaker go up yet another notch. Primus, there were Decepticons that Bee liked better than Sunstreaker—and there was a good question in that.
"Why isn't Sunstreaker falling over?" Bee asked. He knew he was lingering but Sideswipe was his friend and for a brief moment, Bee had been tempted to offer something more.
Sam had had something more, just a little more, but to a human, sexual encounters often had an emotional level, a deeper implied intimacy than Autobots considered of simi relationships…
That earned him a loud snort. "Sunstreaker is used to his spark being in less than optimal condition. Besides, if he was a little more grumpy than usual, who would notice?"
"Point taken," Bee conceded. Suddenly, he felt very tired, even though he'd had a decent amount of recharge. "This is all his fault," Bee snapped, not bothering to qualify who he was. "How can he treat Sideswipe like this?"
"You have no idea what happened," Ratchet pointed out. His attention was still on Sideswipe, running another scan and frowning at the results. "Sideswipe made the choice to allow Sunstreaker back into his processors. It's not like Sunstreaker forced him."
"You don't know that."
Ratchet stilled then turned to look at Bee, pointing a finger at him. "Bumblebee, you had better consider exactly what it is that you are saying."
"I am!" Bee retorted "Sideswipe hasn't been with Sunstreaker like that in ages! He was over it! And now they are suddenly back together with no good reason."
"I believe you and I know exactly the reason they are back together," Ratchet said heavily and with every bit of self-blame that Bee would have expected. His own guilt was a sharp presence in his processor, unpleasant and strong.
"Even if that's true, Sunstreaker took advantage of the situation and now he's deliberating shutting Sideswipe out to hurt him!"
"And yet, unless Sideswipe files a formal protest, the circumstances don't matter a bit," Ratchet said calmly. He turned back to Sideswipe, whose usually brilliant red armor looked dull, as though he hadn't been taking proper care of himself. Ratchet seemed to notice the same thing and he picked up a polishing cloth, gently buffing at the scuffs. "He hasn't, which implies that it was his choice to get involved with his brother again."
"I refuse to believe he chose something like that." A 'bot would have to be crazy to choose a relationship like that when there were plenty of other partners to choose from. Spark bonded or not, Sideswipe had other options. Sunstreaker had to have forced him, somehow, a threat or a goad. There had to be a reason.
"By the sake of Primus, Bumblebee, not all of us get to drive off into the sunset with our perfect mate," Ratchet said flashing him an exasperated look over his shoulder.
"Yeah? Is that why you've been staying over at Optimus's quarters?" Bee snapped and regretted it instantly. By Primus, that was cruel, everyone knew how badly Ratchet missed Wheeljack and his relationship with Optimus, though it had been one of the most fiercely gossiped about topics since it had begun, was one least likely to be mentioned to Ratchet. Unless he brought it up first, a 'bot did not mention it to Ratchet, or they might wake up from their next surgery with their head on backwards.
Ratchet went very still. "Get out."
"Ratchet—"
"I said, get out, soldier." Deadly quiet.
That was an order, no question, and Bumblebee slumped out, unspoken words of apology frozen in his voice modulator. Damn and blast it all, this day was not working out according to his schedule. So far he had had to abandon Sam to sleep alone and had two friends who were deeply hurt by his own actions. For the first time in eons, Bumblebee gave in to the reckless urge to ignore his duty schedule. Scanning for Decepticon activity could wait a little while. In the mood he was in, there was a chance he might miss something anyway, his current level of self-loathing did not make for good focus.
For a moment, he considered going back to Sam and that was tempting, curling up against his warm, sleepy form, but no, in the mood he was in if they connected in the slightest bit Sam would get the full effect of his anger and that was the last thing Bee wanted to share.
Instead, he sent a quick message to Ironhide instead and was gratified at the quick reply. He could use the target practice and there were a few practice drones that were going to be fit for the scrap yard when he was done.
~~*~~
The humans who visited Autobot City were always terribly impressed with it. The towers gleamed in the full sunlight, silvery spires topped with satellite dishes and various scanning equipment and from a distance, it did look like a bustling city. Humans and Autobots alike, working together as they built a new home for the disenfranchised.
What the humans didn't know was that the spires were relatively empty, a cheap, shiny metal casing that held only their shield array and surveillance equipment. None of them were sturdy enough to house more than the lightest of the Autobots and their true housing would have been dismal shacks on Cybertron, little more than shelter from the elements. For all the glitter and wax they'd thrown over the supposed city, it was hardly more than a prison camp, only they were allowing the humans to keep them here, bowing down to little the bleeders as submissively as pets.
To Sunstreaker, it was a pathetic attempt to rebuild a lost civilization, a destroyed home that none of them had seen in a millennia. Let other 'bots wax poetically about their new home. Sunstreaker was ever a realist and if this was a sign of the humans respect, this cluster of hovels set together in the unwanted wastelands of this world, then he thought they should already be heading off-world and let the bleeders fight off the ragged leftover Decepticons on their own. Let them live up to Sunstreaker's nickname for them and bleed for their world instead of expecting their prisoners to do it for them.
It was an opinion he kept to himself. There were few Autobots who cared to speak with him and none at all on this world, save his brother, to whom Sunstreaker cared to listen. He had once commented that the only reason he'd joined the Autobots was that their color scheme was better. His comrades in arms had chuckled, with him for once, but he suspected if they had realized he had been serious, they may have been less amused.
So instead he sat by himself, waiting with patience that would probably astonish many, but not Sideswipe, never Sideswipe, until the smaller yellow 'bot left the infirmary, his head down in visible shame.
Pathetic. Sunstreaker very firmly believed a 'bot should own his words and Bumblebee had said nothing that wasn't true.
But that didn't mean Sunstreaker was above probing the wound. Softly, he said aloud, "That wasn't very nice of you, Little Bee. I thought you liked Ratchet."
Bee stiffened, shoulders going tight and to Sunstreaker's dark amusement, he heard the sharp whine of a fan turning on as Bee struggled with his temper. He managed to keep it this time, striding away far quicker than he'd left the infirmary and Sunstreaker kept his mouth shut until he turned a corner, vanishing from sight although his scanners tracked the scout a little longer.
"That's right, run back to your little pet," Sunstreaker murmured, pushing up to his feet with a groan of protesting hydraulics. He'd been sitting in the same position for some time. Colder, and to no one at all, Sunstreaker added. "And stay away from mine."
When he pushed opened the infirmary door, and hadn't he been here long enough after that damned virus, Ratchet didn't even look up. "You're one to talk about being nice."
Sunstreaker raised his hands defensively, pure innocence in his voice. "I've been nothing but nice all week. Ask Ironhide."
"I'd rather ask Sideswipe, but I can't at the moment, now can I." Ratchet could always be counted on for his acerbic nature and Sunstreaker took a great deal of delight in hearing it, particularly when delivered in that rich voice. Leaning against one of the exam tables, Sunstreaker took a moment to appreciate the elegant lines of Ratchet's form.
Sideswipe was gorgeous and why wouldn't he be? He and Sunstreaker were twins, and he refused to settle for anything less than stunning. But Ratchet was undeniably attractive and if he hadn't been bonded to Sideswipe, (and if Ratchet hadn't been in the process of getting himself welded to Optimus) he'd certainly be tempted. Their age difference didn't bother Sunstreaker in the slightest; age and wisdom came hand in hand and in his experience, older 'bots could come a lot. He'd bet that Ratchet was very pretty in overload and it was no wonder Optimus was keeping him busy in that regard.
Just a little flirtation could still be fun and it was tempting, so tempting, but…Mmm, no. It had been a very long time since he'd done anything with a 'bot other than Sideswipe and as amusing as the outcome would surely be, Sunstreaker had really had enough of being on Optimus's shit list for a little while.
Instead, he turned his attention to his brother, scowling at his darkened optics and still form. "How is he?"
"You'd know better than me," Ratchet retorted crossly, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Not right now, I wouldn't."
"Mm, yes, that's the problem."
Sunstreaker snorted air through his vents. "No, it isn't. He's only on the fritz because instead of recharging he's been hammering me with messages that I won't open. I don't want to talk to him right now."
"And why is that?"
Sunstreaker gave him a thin smile. "It's personal, doctor."
"Your personal problems become my problem when this happens." Ratchet gestured fiercely at Sideswipe's still form. "And it becomes Optimus's problem when one of his soldiers is out of commission. If we were attacked right now we'd be down one of our most formidable combatants and because of what? A little lover's spat?"
You would know about Optimus's problems, now wouldn't you. But Sunstreaker kept that thought to himself. It was one thing to be on Optimus's bad side; Ratchet was an entirely different game and not one that was healthy to play. Better that he stay on the side of merely irritated.
"He'll be fine after a recharge and we both know it," Sunstreaker said instead. Almost hesitantly, he reached out and stroked a hand down his brother's arm and he couldn't say why he felt hesitant, any more than he could explain why he'd allowed his brother a direct interface rather than settling for a simi-style coupling. He didn't want Sideswipe in his head, it
Hurt, I can't be what you want, I can't, please don't leave me, please, please
--was pathetic, seeing his brother's simpering thoughts so closely.
"Is he in a medical recharge?" Sunstreaker asked, softly. So still, optics shuttered and dark and for one dark, crazed moment Sunstreaker thought that Ratchet had lied to him, that his brother was dead, cold and sparkless, and Ratchet was a strong 'bot, no question, strong and heavily armored but he was nowhere near Sunstreaker's equal in a fight. It would take him less than a nanoclick to sever his lying head from his shoulders and lay it dripping at Optimus's feet—
With a jolt, Sunstreaker reeled back, staggered by his own processor. Sideswipe was alive, of course he was, he could feel it in his spark. He closed his optics for a moment and gathered himself, reopened them to see Ratchet's concerned face near to his own.
"Yes. Three hours," Ratchet said finally, and Sunstreaker belatedly remembered he'd asked a question. The medic was still eyeing him with no small amount of worry and that was no real surprise to anyone who paid any attention. That sharp acerbic nature was as brilliant a show as a supernova and Ratchet's very real concern only added to his attractiveness, shaped the lines of his face into something exotic and lovely---
Sunstreaker snorted and shook his head, elbowing Ratchet aside a little rudely as he stepped back to his brother. Dreams of seduction and murder all in a few minutes, my, he was in a mood today. Severing himself from Sideswipe's spark was affecting him more than he had first thought.
Touching his brother was soothing his frayed nerves, stroking his fingers along the smooth lines of Sideswipe's armor. His brother, always lovely, always vulnerable, his nature as sweet as high-grade energon and Sunstreaker was always darkly amused at the contrast to his own toxic nature.
I know what I am, brother. I know.
"I'll sit with him for a little while," Sunstreaker told Ratchet quietly, his optics on his brother. "That should help."
Unspoken was that it would certainly help him, too. Sideswipe was annoying honorable but he was also very calming, a gentle balm to Sunstreaker's spark.
"Hnnn," Ratchet grumbled. "Fine. He didn't seem particularly happy to see me the first time. I don't supposed you would be much worse." He started towards the door before he added, "I'm going to get a few hours of recharge myself and before you two think about killing each other when he wakes up, I monitor everything in here and I am right around the corner. Mess up my infirmary and you'll wish for death."
"And how is Optimus?" Sunstreaker said with saccharine sweetness. "I haven't seen him since my dressing down earlier this week."
"Your well-deserved dressing down. I saw what you did to that sensor array." But Sunstreaker didn't think he'd imagined Ratchet's sudden stiffness, nor his evasion of the question. Interesting.
"Yes, yes," Sunstreaker waved a dismissive hand. "I would have been here sooner but I was just finishing with it when I felt him arc out. It would be Bumblebee who found him."
Ratchet leaned against the doorframe and shook his head. "I can't fathom what you have against him. You were all sparked very close together."
It didn't escape Sunstreaker's notice that Ratchet didn't question what Bumblebee had against him. "What does it matter? I have one brother, I don't need him."
"You mean Sideswipe has a brother and you don't want him to have another." Shrewdly.
"Yes. I do." Sunstreaker expected Ratchet to leave them and when the sound of heavy footsteps failed to register, he looked back at the medic, optics narrowed. Surely he wasn't having second thoughts about leaving?
But Ratchet only met his gaze steadily. "After I get some recharge, I want you to come to the infirmary for a full scan."
"What?" Sunstreaker stepped back, shocked. "No!"
"That was not a request. I've seen Sam and Bumblebee several times to verify that the virus did no permanent damage."
"I can do my own-"
"Or I can just do it now," Ratchet interrupted smoothly. "Your choice."
He would, too, and Sunstreaker could fight Ratchet off if he wanted to kill him but a medical scan that was under orders? A little flabbergasted, Sunstreaker blurted out, "I've been fine all week, I told you, why would you want to waste time on a deep scan?"
"Because I could count on one hand the times we've had a decent conversation, even if I had lost three fingers."
"So because I am feeling chatty today you think I might be crazy?"
"You were already crazy. Your chattiness is making me afraid that you're sane," Ratchet said bluntly, his voice mod as dry as the desert that surrounded them.
Sunstreaker gaped at him and then suddenly laughed. "All right. Do your scan. Later."
"Later," Ratchet agreed warily. They stared at each other a moment longer, silent challenge in the air between them but in the end, Sunstreaker looked away, down to the still, oh, so still form of his brother. He heard the door open and before it could swing shut, he called out, softly.
"Tell Optimus I said hello."
No response. Chuckling softly, Sunstreaker settled down next to his brother, stroking his arm, his chest, his touches light and gentle as he waited in the overwhelming silence for Sideswipe, his brother, his lover, the holder of half his spark, to wake up.
-finis-
Read Next Chapter
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Secondly: Aaaaaah, this is killing me! Uncertainties and guilt and pain and worry and you write it so well. I feel all this right along with 'em, and that makes this punch extra-hard. It also makes the waiting extra-hard, but I can live with my imaginative extrapolations. :D
Thirdly: I love you.
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I wish I could say the next chapter will help soothe all those uncertainties but I would so be lying. Hope you like it anyway. ;)
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Your suspense is fantastic.
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ROFL! I never thought of it that way, but it's true. *G* I always like to wait and reply to all the comments at once so I do it after I post the next chapter. I guess that's as good an alert as any!
Thank you so much for reading, I'm really having lots of fun with this series. :)
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Damn, Sunstreaker. You know how to push buttons, don't you? His fantasies are worrisome, Keely.
This is really showing how messed up everyone's relationships really are, isn't it?
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Sunstreaker always makes me think just a little of Dexter, sociopathic but able to get along in society, in his case because of Sideswipe's influence, and he keeps his killing to Decepticons.
This is really showing how messed up everyone's relationships really are, isn't it?
They really are, aren't they, poor things. I've been tempted to write a little prequel story to show how Ratchet and Optimus got involved in the first place. They probably both have a very different perspective on it. ;)
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I would adore you if you did write it. I'm loving their dynamic even more than Sam & Bee's because I can identify with Ratchet so damned much.
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Disturbing image, but I think you showed inthis chapter how our own emotions can affect others, and IMO it's more a story about humans than giant alien robots only it's more vibrant, more visible. Every feeling emotion is bigger.
mmouse said it's showing how everyone's relationships are but after that chapter i am afraid to look at our human realationships.
I'm sorry for long comment but as the previous chapter made me want to selfishly strangle ratchet, this one made me think. ^^
You are amazing writer ^^
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Thank you so much! Heck, I'm delighted by long comments and thrilled that you enjoyed this story. As disturbing as Sunny is, I'm actually pretty fond of the psychopath...so long as he stays out of my living room. ;)
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got me quite hard where it hurts.
[Also, I was afraid to come back here and read more 'cos I've just made a mistake of watching Transformers 2 but your's imagining of Twins washed the... atrocity right out of my mind. Thank you!]
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I made the mistake of watching it, too, but that was what inspired me to start up the series again so I can't complain too much.
Man, that was a bad movie, though. *G*
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*bites nails*
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(Anonymous) 2010-10-03 06:58 am (UTC)(link)When i saw that it had recently been updated, i rubbed my eyes, reloaded the tab and made sure i had the right story. LOL. I am so so sooooooo happy that you have decided to write more.
I love the direction the story has gone in, and I honestly hope you continue to write more. This is such a unique beautiful story and the way you've weaved in the other 'bots relationships in is beautiful, and really interesting. I'm not just interested in sam and bee's relationship anymore, i find myself wondering whats up with the twins, or what's going to happen now with optimus and ratchet.
This is an early birthday present to find that this has been updated, and just know that I will ALWAYS read this (again and again, I've seriously read this series a thousand times) and love this story.
Update when you can! I'll be waiting to read! (:
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also, i kinda expected better from bumblebee.. what's he got against sunstreaker?